[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Vanquished Auricledots

    Author: ROSHAY9992000
    ASL Info:    22/m/fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.18 - 16/12/12
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 776

       basically my emotions after she left

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVanquished Auricledots

    How could you be so sinister
    In your master plan of domination
    Of my boundless devotion to you
    Constant lies from within your lips
    Led me to an illusionary state of euphoria
    You cold-hearted bitch
    You fooled me, oh so well
    Poisoning my essence
    With that shrewed false hope
    The life I envisioned now defunct
    From that merciless ventricle of yours
    You have impaled my heart
    With your deceit and lies
    Insufferable pain from within
    Constant malnourished heart does ache
    Heart-broken I now lay dying
    Below the weeping willows I fade
    Decayed smell of my lifeless frame
    As my existence fades into ashes
    and blows away with the wind

    Submitted on 2006-06-23 09:55:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I believe it's good to write when you're emotional, but sometimes you're just too emotional to really write well, i think maybe that was the case here... there's a few cliché's in there which kind of take away from the emotional impact, but other than that it could be a really good piece... just needs some touching up still i think...

    I liked the lines

    Led me to an illusionary state of euphoria
    From that merciless venricle of yours
    Decayed smell of my lifeless frame

    those were really rad.

    cya. :)
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by mrmundane | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]