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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Birthdaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 890
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 470



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBirthdaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    She laid the bundle on my chest,
    Sticky and slippery and
    Totally out of his element,
    As was I.

    Suddenly I knew Id need
    a few more arms
    and eyes, and maybe legs,
    and certainly brains.

    What have we done?
    Theres one of him and two of us:
    Were outnumbered.
    Even math is not the same.

    He s so tiny, said his father,
    Hes huge. I whispered back.




    Submitted on 2006-06-23 11:39:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      pretty good. at first i was gender confused in the first stanza. but as i got furthur down, it made much more sense.
    it is funny how men always seem to look at how small a child is, when they arent the ones that gave birth to it, and arent expected to take on the brunt of the changes they will bring.

    Suddenly I knew Id need
    a few more arms
    and eyes, and maybe legs,
    and certainly brains.

    a perfect description of how parents must feel. im not too sure, ive never been there, and dont want to ever go there.

    an excellent piece, full of truth.
    hope all is well.

    evelyn
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehehe, awwww, so cute. I can almost imagine how you felt. I don't know how I'll react...when and if that ever happens. You described it beautifully though. The mother thinking of everything that's going to happen and the father just thinking how tiny the baby is. Heheh. Oh the differences of male and females, eh?

    Hey all, I'm just trying to get my reciprocation up. I'm down in the -'s pretty far. So, don't feel the need to comment on my work. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things at Elite. Think of it as a favor from me to you! Thanks for the read!
    <3BCute
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful.

    The minimalism worked perfectly in capitalizing on the smoothness of the situation. I especially liked the illusion that this voice enabled me to see - are person drained from the labor but strong enough to whisper something this important to the universe. That frail whisper, I think, gave this piece a voice that could easily find a home in somebody else's ear.

    I'm not a parent... so I can only imagine the joy they must feel to see your child, the very culmination of you being vulnerable and human in the arms of someone, for the very first time. But with this... I think I have a better idea.

    Seriously.

    Thank you.

    Again, this is beautiful.
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      aw that's so cute. I've never given birth to a child of my own but I could just imagine how true that must be for some or even most new mothers. I love this. It potrays one of the most memorable moments in any woman's life. It's beautiful. However, I don't quite comprehend the first paragraph.

    "She lay the bundle on my chest,
    Sticky and slippery and
    Totally out of his element,
    As was I."

    okay what I don't get about it is the third line. In the first you said "SHE lay the bundle on my chest"... then in the third you said "totally out of HIS element". You haven't introduced your husband into the picture so no one would really get that that's who you were talking about right away. thier automatic responce would be that you were talking about the new born baby. So who are you talking about? is it your husband or a typo?

    otherwise very nicely written. keep it up.

    ~Do~
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]
      She lay the bundle on my chest,
    Sticky and slippery and
    Totally out of his element,
    As was I.

    Suddenly I knew Id need
    a few more arms
    and eyes, and maybe legs,
    and certainly brains.

    What have we done?
    Theres one of him and two of us:
    Were outnumbered.
    Even math is not the same.

    He s so tiny, said my husband,
    Hes huge. I whispered back.


    And therein lies the canyon-size gulf in our perception of children; tiny bodies requiring mountainous responsibility permanently altering the mindset of parents.

    Nicely, quietly, profoundly presented.
    No nits to pick, I'm afraid.
    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Briiliant! This is the second I've read of yours today, and the second FAV. This is so subtle, yet so wise. Having shared four such "bundles" of joy, and now watching the grand-"bundle" drive his parents sleepless, your statement that "He's huge" has more than one intent. You've captured the moment of a mother's first encounter with her child in a postively subtle and joyous manner, yet lined with a glimpse of the responsibilty. As I said just brilliant. I loved it!

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the feeling of awe that's unspoken here... especially in your third stanza which made me chuckle-- in that there's only one of him but two of you... yet you're still outnumbered. Lol, that's too funny.

    In your last two lines, I like the unsure tone. I get two thoughts-- the first being your son is literally huge and just came out of you, and the second being that it's a huge responsibility.

    It's all about emotion and you've captured it perfectly here. Nicely done Annie.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Well Annie, I thought this was wonderful.Utterly simple in construction and flowing naturally from the heart, yet the simple words create a profound impact. A mother of five and grandmother of nine ( yeah nine)--I relate to that feeling so well, --and always well. Yet i think that even those who have never given birth would still enjoy the simple yet powerful statement here.

    A tiny minimalist approach with a "huge" emotional impact. Well done
    Silver
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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