[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Hell In The Fleshdots

    Author: Latin King
    ASL Info:    31/M/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 104/232/145
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 755
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1019

       I figured I gotta get better at this poetry shit.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHell In The Fleshdots

    My life is full of motion,
    I see time just pass by,
    I pray to death with all devotion;
    And can only await my demise.
    People tell me I'm wrong,
    But they don't see the aching and struggle,
    Not knowing the lines to my sad song;
    They think my intentions are trouble.

    Sometimes I create a disaster,
    Just to see if someone really cares,
    Not knowing the aftermath after;
    I leave everyone scared.
    I had a dream of killing and bloodshed,
    Woke up to tormentous nights,
    Even the tip of my breath,
    Had the odor of hate,
    And the taste for despise.

    People ask me the same question,
    And it makes me sick in the brain,
    I can care less about suggestions;
    My life's had enough of the pain.
    So I close my eyes and inhale,
    I know this world is not so complex,
    You said you been through hell,
    Well I've been there in the FLESH!

    Submitted on 2006-06-23 16:49:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked it.
    Maybe I got this wrong but here's my impression. You're happy with the way you are. Although, viewed as troublesome and complex maybe you LIKE this image of yourself because it gets attention. "just to see if someone really cares". you dwell in that pain, you feed of it.

    It sucks cause it hurts but the sad truth is as poetry...it works. Good job, really.

    Looking forward to reading more of your stuff

    Lady M
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by LadyMerlina | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]