Whats there for me now? by DiamondTears

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Submission Name: Whats there for me now? dots

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Author:	DiamondTears
ASL Info:	16/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	3.36 - 61/97/48
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	134
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	575

Description:

Whats there for me now? dots

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Whats going for me now,

Is everyone just look apon me with regret,

Who is this girl,

What is this girl,

Why is she here?

Some outsiders would take my heart,

Protect it from those quesions,

And I feel so dead,

My heart in a box,

My piano fallen to take it in,

Blood splatters,

Not like it really matters,

I never really got to taste life,

So how can I be addicted?

Submitted on 2006-06-23 21:36:03 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
Hm..this was good, interesting. I liked the line structure you put it in. One error though, "apon" is "upon", no biggie..Also, a suggestion, when you wrote:

"Who is this girl,

What is this girl"

Aren't those questions? Shouldn't you put a question mark behind them as well, like you did with "Why is she here?"..It would only make sense, ya know?
Anyways, I got the feel here, that you were addicted to hurting yourself, because of the whole blood, or your addicted to life..which is blood flow..dunno, I made my own story behind this, it reminded me of a song that I know..Nicely done here, great job!

Lucy
| Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
"My heart in a box,

My piano fallen to take it in,

Blood splatters,

Not like it really matters,

I never really got to taste life,

So how can I be addicted?"

There are no words to explain how much I love that.
I think the beginning was okay, but then it gets better.
Overall, I enjoyed it.

Good stuff
-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

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