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    dots Submission Name: Before you go, listen...dots

    Author: Jakirina
    ASL Info:    19/F/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 216/200/80
    Words: 249
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1969

       A peom of life

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore you go, listen...dots

    Wandering these streets
    of woven grasses.

    Strands slowly dying
    in their final beauty.

    They tell a story,
    A tale of longing,
    wanting, desire.

    A tale of faith,
    care, innocence,
    and betrayal.

    They whisper of
    lives passed.

    Coo of relieved pain,
    anguish, prisons.

    Sing with youthful
    wick and mourn
    with silent gold.

    One tries to listen.
    One tries to grasp.

    But this majestic
    bed of berry, blue,
    sea and rice.

    Holds too great.
    Too great.

    One can only hope
    that with each step,
    one can near.

    Near a pulse,
    near a breath.

    Near that which
    can help them grow.

    It is endless,
    both the street of
    woven grass,

    and the field
    flowing north
    to the sun.

    Each step is that
    of feeling, that of
    event and emotion.

    That of physical
    yet spiritual and

    Here lies this strand
    curving and caressing
    each other thread.

    Blowing and shifting
    as they.

    Touching each
    and in turn
    being touched.

    Turning directions
    influenced by others.

    Discovering, covering,
    places and gaps.

    Flowing its own
    free path.

    Gold at its base,
    wick at its tip.

    This strand
    leaves a seed.

    Or perhaps
    many seeds.

    They in turn
    are left to touch,
    turn, discover.

    Feel, and silently
    whisper their tale.

    Whisper of
    a step once taken.

    A step to take
    and their gift
    of Life.

    Submitted on 2006-06-24 21:54:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is beautiful! Its been a while since I've read a poem where the imagery was this thick. You have a gift.
    I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
    Love and Peace,
    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It decently held my interest and it was fast paced yet slow, like life itself. No rhyme but it still had a flow about it and that was pretty cool. Just something about this really attracted me to it and I think it was how you described the process of life, or the road of life. It was very intricate and different from any other descriptions that I've read before. You did a nice job.

    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      A beautiful piece, but much too drawn out. There needs to be more of a transition between descriptions and the more story-like part of the poem.

    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]

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