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    dots Submission Name: The Crux Of Our Serpentine Pleasuredots

    Author: mrmundane
    ASL Info:    20/m/vancouver bc
    Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 47/96/78
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1606
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 786


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Crux Of Our Serpentine Pleasuredots

    this sweat we swallow
    it fills what's hollow
    and our tongues
    forked between their centers
    forms the crux of our serpentine pleasures

    clouds above us
    split and spread
    while the endorphins
    rush through our heads

    what is happening
    doesn't matter
    and words of truth
    don't matter

    into the dark place
    of comfort and wine
    and between us
    is shared the cherries
    accrued from bacchus
    and interlaced between
    immortal spirits reborn
    through brawn of time

    our new combinations of skin
    say hi
    and amidst us is shared
    an utterless forever
    and empty

    Submitted on 2006-06-24 22:09:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      An interesting piece. It definitely caught my attention, and had my focus the entire way through. I think that in the last stanza 'say hi' is a bit out of place, considering the more elaborate vocabulary throughout the rest of the poem. Nicely done, nevertheless.

    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, that is deep my friend. I love the discription of everthing. When it began to not make sense, you changed it and im like woe0_o...nice job keep writhing

    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by Mr. Creep | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, I love how you descibe everything with so much detail. This really kicked ass :) My favourite part was

    "what is happening
    doesn't matter
    and words of truth
    don't matter"

    X- Atonement
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by atonement | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that. Just when I thought you couldn't possibly get more talented, you proved me wrong.
    I love the way you word things.

    As always,
    Wonderfully done

    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

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