Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Baby Girl, Let's Fall Asleep Foreverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lost_Delirious
    ASL Info:    17/f/mexico
    Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 49/36/11
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1106
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 1348



    Description:
       What I'm trying to express with this poem is, that I used to be scared of who I was, because I didn't know me. But now I know me, and even if I don't know what to do, I'm not scared of myself anymore.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBaby Girl, Let's Fall Asleep Foreverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Baby girl, I remember when you were a stranger,
    And your pain and scars seemed far away from me.
    I couldn't understand why your eyes yelled danger,
    Didn't even know how broken you could be.

    I knew I was missing something about you,
    You were hiding shame reasons behind your eyes.
    I was scared of what you would possibly do,
    Of the desperate feelings twisting your mind.

    I wanted to help you, but I had no words,
    To show you how everything would be fine.
    I wanted to hold you and never let go,
    To have your torn heart close to mine.

    Today I have changed, now I'm your closest friend,
    Being your friend hurts since I live your pain.
    I kiss your scars and your mistakes try to mend,
    Being in your mind makes my life insane.

    I see you everyday, you live in my reflection,
    I taste your tears and touch your fake smile.
    I know we're lost, and tired of rejections,
    There's no place to go to save what's inside.

    It's just the two of us, so take my hand,
    Let's fall asleep forever and live in dreams.
    Forget about how things used to be and dance,
    I don't know how to fix us, so let's just breathe.




    Submitted on 2006-06-25 01:11:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Thanks for writing this excellent psychological poem! I have to call it that because I'm an old man, which is about as ignorant as one can get about a young woman! It told me about you, better than trying to figure people out by reading studies of human nature! Also it took me back to many times when my two daughters were young, and made me cry with many mixed feelings.
    | Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, such a great piece. I'm glad and happy for you that you have found that you can be happy with how you are.
    The title is great, it drew me in and captured my attention. It's a very powerful and emotional piece, but I feel you have written it very well.
    I think everyone as some stage in their lives feels the way you did, and in a constantly changing society everyone is trying to live up to unachievable expectations, when really all we need to be is ourself. We needn't be afraid of being that way, it's how we were born, and how we're supposed to be.
    My favourite part is:
    Forget about how things used to be and dance,
    I don't know how to fix us, so let's just breathe.
    That's how we should all be, thank you for being so honest.
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by Poétic Harmonie | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this!!! I don't want you to think that I am adding this to my fav's because you added me but I really really loved this. Each line holds such strength, it has been so carefully written, the progression it goes through makes me feel like I slowly went through the journey with you. My favourite line is the first, and I love the title it screams 'read me'. Awesome, I loved it. ~Sunset
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]
      BREATHTAKING.....Wonderful...I felt every line every word. I do know about the fake smile. the pain behind.....
    This makes me feel like I want to save you..Shiled you from futher harm and danger as a mother and child.
    my goodness you are so very young to know such sorrow....
    I feel tears stininging.....
    Keep writing baby, you are bound to make something of yourself with this gift even if you don't want to. Your light is going to touch the world....
    I am happy I came by....
    Keep lovin and livin life...
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
      the emotion and feeling you expressed here was conveyed brilliantly.
    the poem itself is powerful but i think this part stood out the most after reading it a few times.

    Today I have changed, now I'm your closest friend,
    Being your friend hurts since I live your pain.
    I kiss your scars and your mistakes try to mend,
    Being in your mind makes my life insane.


    i wish i could express myself the way you did in this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by chottooni | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a real honest writing. my fav line in this would have to be :

    Forget about how things used to be and dance,
    I don't know how to fix us, so let's just breathe.


    you can truly see you becoming more comfortable with yourself. You had stopped trying to figure it out and fix whatever you thought was wrong and just "was". Brilliant use words here i thought.

    smalltown who also commented stated they wished to shield you and keep you safe, but me personally after reading this, think you are just fine. If you can figure this out as young as you are, then you will make it through the wilderness of youth, and come out shining.

    good job and keep writing.
    Michelle
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by Fey | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    108316

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry