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Author: shambolic
ASL Info:    19.Female.Mozchester
Elite Ratio:    1.92 - 10 /11 /15
Words: 55
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1032
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 432


Just based on sexual assault in general. Kind of simple, I don't know whether it does justice to what people suffer.


Knock knock
Who's there
Knocked down
Who's there?

Up and down
In and out
In and out
Knocked Down

Crushed and crushing
Up and down
But more
In and out
In and out

Breathe and breathing
knocked out
in and out
in and out

rain grass nettle

Submitted on 2006-06-25 14:11:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I think you've done quite well for a diffcicult subject such as this. The way it cuts right to the point but does not offer too much detail works in a positive way for the poem. Best part: the last two lines. Unfortunately, from a literalist point of view, the last two lines also don't make a great deal of sense in context. Personally, I would not change them, but perhaps refer to the thoughts behind them elsewhere in the poem as well.
All in all: it packs powerful emotions into a small space. Good work!
| Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by imaginary | [ Reply to This ]

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