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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pictures are Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 340/348/146
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1206



    Description:
       Part of the first stanza and the chorus are from an Anna Nalick song. I heard the song, and these lyrics popped into my head. I didn't like her song, so I made it my own . Enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPictures are Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's 2AM and she calls me,
    'cause I'm still awake.
    "could you help me unravel
    my latest mistake?"
    and I look at her,
    with eyes of such treason,
    but I'm such a hypocrite,
    'cause I'm awake for the same reason.

    We're all like tram cars,
    we can't jump the cables.
    and Life's like an hourglass
    that's glued to the table.
    Love's like a snowflake,
    heat burns it away.
    Pictures are Memories,
    that remind, "it's Okay"

    She tells me she loves him,
    she tells me he cares.
    but he's just like the rest,
    and Bastard Millionaires.
    she cries her regrets,
    how she should have been.
    and even though I'm lying.
    I tell myself she's not like me again.

    we're all like tram cars,
    we can't jump the cables.
    and Life's like an hourglass
    that's glued to the table.
    Love's like a snowflake,
    heat burns it away.
    Pictures are Memories,
    that remind, "it's Okay"




    Submitted on 2006-06-25 21:12:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Overall, I think this is well-done. I like the content, but I have a couple of wee issues with it.

    It's 2AM and she calls me,
    'cause I'm still awake.
    "could you help me unravel
    my latest mistake?"
    and I look at her,
    with eyes of such treason,
    but I'm such a hypocrite,
    'cause I'm awake for the same reason.

    Ok, I'm assuming the call is via telephone (and she's not in the room with you), so how can you look at her?

    I don't understand why you capitalized "[censored] Millionaires." Generally that's used to personify inanimate things like autumn or whatever, but I just don't think it works there. It works with life and such, but I think it's generally overdone; it's also considered a bit old-fashioned. It should be "It's okay" too. There are a few other things I think are wonky with your punctuation, so I'll just say that I'd proofread this well.

    I hope all is well,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      You've taken a lot of content from Anna Nalick's song Breathe...for example:

    "It's 2AM and she calls me,
    'cause I'm still awake.
    could you help me unravel
    my latest mistake?"

    and

    "Life's like an hourglass
    that's glued to the table."

    This really takes away from your lyrics because you're plagerizing Anna Nalick's work, and when one artist does that to another, it goes to show that the artist who needs to plagerize can't think of anything on their own and needs to take from someone else. Also, I can't comment on the rest of the lyrics because since you've taken from Anna, who knows who else you've taken from?

    - Kriss
    | Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite remarkable and very emotional, serious feeling written within these words I would like to hear the music to this piece. You are truly right about the name of this one Pictures are really memories and I am sure others can relate to that. Even though this is a very sad emotional write I enjoyed it.

    Ladymustang
    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
      its good but the whole hourglass glued to the table has been used before. Breathe by Anna Nalick uses it. But other than that it has a nice rhyme that isn't pushed like most is, and it has a good chorus to it.
    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Crescent | [ Reply to This ]
      I think... What I think...

    I won't tell you what I want to say in response, but I can critique it as poetry. I think this has a good rhyme scheme to it, though the second verse doesn't make sense for two lines:

    ..but he's just like the rest,
    and [censored] Millionaires.


    I guess it'd help if the sentence was explained to me, but I don't know. It's just an odd sentence structure that I need help understanding. Other than that, the sadness strikes me strongly, though. I hope you get to feeling better.

    - A friend
    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by racconeyes | [ Reply to This ]


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