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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Psychological Sweet Toothdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SorrelsReality
    ASL Info:    25/ Female/ See Quote.
    Elite Ratio:    6.52 - 175/113/20
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1421
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 364



    Description:
       Even on the most cleanly path, there occurs a dream that jolts every part of you. Something unforgettable, something indescribable. Sometimes when your thoughts are fixed on someone, those thoughts turn into dreams, and those dreams fill your midnight hours with feelings you can only present in poetic form...... These feelings teetered on the edge of lustful...but none the less, memorable. Lord please forgive me....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPsychological Sweet Toothdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Firm fingers ride a silken highway over dangerous curves
    tantalizing saccharine skin, covering what is me.
    Desire stricken lips begin thier forbidden journey
    tasting the melting pot of heated fantasies

    Drench me in your need.
    Dive into me.
    Have your way in me.

    I'll be your mind candy.




    Submitted on 2006-06-26 13:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'll be your mind candy.

    The last line really makes the poem for me. This is why:

    The poem is of course very erotic, burning with, what I wouldn't describe as lust, but passion. A passion in which "heated fantasies" overwhelm with longing for the gap between dream and flesh to be obliterated, to be drenched, washed clean through expression. But then there's this interesting contrast with concern to remain clean in another way, a fear of "dangerous curves", of the "forbidden journey" and it's almost like your soul is cowering scared within: "tantalizing saccharine skin, covering what is me".

    What the last line does so brilliantly is relieve this gap between the physical and the spiritual, finds a resolution. "I'll be your mind candy" to be enjoyed, but emotionally; a determination to remain safely in fantasy, to get lost in dreams.

    And finally, on a silly, pedantic note. "thier" should be "their". But that's not really important.

    Thanks for shaaaaring.
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this on several levels: as a sportscar enthusiast, a lover of words, and a man who enjoys a good meal. To find so many metaphores so nicely seguayed ... kudos.
    | Posted on 2006-11-17 00:00:00 | by Beekeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Don't be so hard on yourself. Your young and very beautiful! This was just a poem not a act of lust. I feel bad now that you have read some of my stuff. It is much more dangerous LOL.
    I think we all go there once in awhile? Me more then others.LOL Anyway great write!!!
    kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely love this glorious little piece!

    Your word choice conveys a sensual- without being gaudy, erotic- without being lewd, ennocent emotion without coming across as sophmoric.

    I think that we can bring glory to God by using, and appreciating all his gifts; and you have definitely found a small way to glorify His awesome gift of physicality.

    Physical closeness with another human being can be one of the most beautiful, appropriate way to show love for them.

    I believe that God can use dreams to help raise our awareness that we have meet the 'right' someone. It sounds like He smacked you upside the head a bit, lol.)

    I'm taking this with me,

    Thanks for sharing.

    Take Care,

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really erotic - you should be ashamed!

    No, really this is very good work. Only change I would make woould be to delete 'the' in the 1st and 2nd lines. Nice job here.

    No harm in this, BTW. God DID give us our sex drive...


    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Well damn Sorrel, this just gave me the notion to go take a shower. Better yet, a few of them.

    I have to say that this is one of the most erotically stimulating pieces I've read. You have a way of making this sexy, but not trashy. It's the perfect scene of two lovers tangled up into each other. There's a difference between making love, and screwing. This my dear, is the whip cream on top. This is what making love sounds like to me. And you've created a picture that now blazes in my mind.
    I'll go and catch my breath now.

    Grey
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by Greyson | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very clever aspect of imagination! I truly love it. For some reason, I think about you describing those whirly lollipops that they sell at the candy stores for a dollar .

    "Firm fingers ride a silken highway over dangerous curves
    tantalizing saccharine skin, covering what is me.
    Desire stricken lips begin thier forbidden journey
    tasting the melting pot of heated fantasies"

    I think of "highway of dangerous curves" to be those intricate colourful swirls that make up that lollipop, or metaphorically meaning, the mix of emotion colouring the outskirts of your dreams, and soon, residing unconsciously within yourself as a result, causing a dreamish illusion. And well, the rest of the poem becomes quite passionate, yet in a sweet way- like candy! It's candy not only to the mind, but to all senses when it comes to your poem so awesome job.

    "Desire stricken lips begin thier forbidden journey
    tasting the melting pot of heated fantasies"

    This part reminds me of when one actually tastes the lollipop (or candy), but metaphorically speaking, reaching the climax of your passion with your lover. It feels like a kiss to me hehe which gives that "heated fantasies" feeling.

    Beautiful job..I'm so impressed! I wish I had a mind to connect that to such a comparison!
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by darkrose16 | [ Reply to This ]


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