Description: Even on the most cleanly path, there occurs a dream that jolts every part of you. Something unforgettable, something indescribable. Sometimes when your thoughts are fixed on someone, those thoughts turn into dreams, and those dreams fill your midnight hours with feelings you can only present in poetic form...... These feelings teetered on the edge of lustful...but none the less, memorable. Lord please forgive me....
Firm fingers ride a silken highway over dangerous curves
tantalizing saccharine skin, covering what is me.
Desire stricken lips begin thier forbidden journey
tasting the melting pot of heated fantasies
Drench me in your need.
Dive into me.
Have your way in me.
The last line really makes the poem for me. This is why:
The poem is of course very erotic, burning with, what I wouldn't describe as lust, but passion. A passion in which "heated fantasies" overwhelm with longing for the gap between dream and flesh to be obliterated, to be drenched, washed clean through expression. But then there's this interesting contrast with concern to remain clean in another way, a fear of "dangerous curves", of the "forbidden journey" and it's almost like your soul is cowering scared within: "tantalizing saccharine skin, covering what is me".
What the last line does so brilliantly is relieve this gap between the physical and the spiritual, finds a resolution. "I'll be your mind candy" to be enjoyed, but emotionally; a determination to remain safely in fantasy, to get lost in dreams.
And finally, on a silly, pedantic note. "thier" should be "their". But that's not really important.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Your young and very beautiful! This was just a poem not a act of lust. I feel bad now that you have read some of my stuff. It is much more dangerous LOL. I think we all go there once in awhile? Me more then others.LOL Anyway great write!!! kelley Frost
Well damn Sorrel, this just gave me the notion to go take a shower. Better yet, a few of them.
I have to say that this is one of the most erotically stimulating pieces I've read. You have a way of making this sexy, but not trashy. It's the perfect scene of two lovers tangled up into each other. There's a difference between making love, and screwing. This my dear, is the whip cream on top. This is what making love sounds like to me. And you've created a picture that now blazes in my mind. I'll go and catch my breath now.
This is a very clever aspect of imagination! I truly love it. For some reason, I think about you describing those whirly lollipops that they sell at the candy stores for a dollar .
"Firm fingers ride a silken highway over dangerous curves tantalizing saccharine skin, covering what is me. Desire stricken lips begin thier forbidden journey tasting the melting pot of heated fantasies"
I think of "highway of dangerous curves" to be those intricate colourful swirls that make up that lollipop, or metaphorically meaning, the mix of emotion colouring the outskirts of your dreams, and soon, residing unconsciously within yourself as a result, causing a dreamish illusion. And well, the rest of the poem becomes quite passionate, yet in a sweet way- like candy! It's candy not only to the mind, but to all senses when it comes to your poem so awesome job.
"Desire stricken lips begin thier forbidden journey tasting the melting pot of heated fantasies"
This part reminds me of when one actually tastes the lollipop (or candy), but metaphorically speaking, reaching the climax of your passion with your lover. It feels like a kiss to me hehe which gives that "heated fantasies" feeling.
Beautiful job..I'm so impressed! I wish I had a mind to connect that to such a comparison!