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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ANDROMEDAdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Psyve
    ASL Info:    53/M/ Bahrain
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 75/102/60
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 468



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsANDROMEDAdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Andromeda- should have freed her,
    But things were left unsaid;
    Cinderella- how could I tell her
    That she was just misled,
    And this love of ours was only in her headÖ

    I donít love you like a brother,
    I just want you for a friend;
    May not love you like the others,
    I may not love you till the end;
    Iím not looking for a lover,
    Donít need broken hearts to mendÖ




    Submitted on 2006-06-27 15:44:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This doesn't feel complete to me; it just sort of ends. You need to add something to make it feel complete.

    I know this annoys you, but I think you need to look at your punctuation. You don't need the hyphen after Andromeda, and I'd use a comma after Cinderella. I also wish you''d reconsider the ellipses.

    I hope all is well,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, well, well...how many others can say these words too? Both male and female, ya know? I raise my hand and will stand up and say that the words and actions of anothers false sense of love has also led me astray.

    I compliment you for writing this and can honestly say for this topic and emotion...this is certainly one of the best writes I have read on it. The way the words and rhymes and all that other "good writing" stuff that literatis describe are done quite well in this one. You touched on a well felt emotion and gave it a quaint little twist that certainly makes it stand out on its own.

    Nice job!
    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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