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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Restless_Heart
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 44/35/16
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 704



    Description:
       ....I was pissed and still am.....though I'm not so niaeve anymore...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Drained of feeling,
    Drained of caring,
    All the hope I have is gone,
    The love I owned now denies me,
    Everything I had is now gone,
    My life , my heart now fall,
    Anger, pain, suffering,
    Hate is now my life,
    I wish I could get over it,
    I wish I did not feel this way,
    Everytime I hear your name,
    I just can't help but shake,
    In rage my hands clench,
    Yet I cannot swing,
    For the fear my hate,
    I could end life now,
    But that is too easy,
    I can't quit,
    Not if theres still hope,
    Hope to be with her,
    But if that hope shjould die,
    Then so would I.




    Submitted on 2006-06-27 16:42:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      well hey...
    i dunno how old you are or how long you been writing for but i wanna encourage you and tell you you can do better than this...

    the challenge to writing is to take what you feel and put it into words... YOUR words...
    now... there are a lot of people who have felt what you feel right now and they have written pretty much the same as you have written here... that makes these lines overused and what we call cliché... you need to stay away from cliché... the challenge to writing therefore is to take these feelings you feel and make them into your own words... make the words your slaves... make them say what you want them to say... be original...

    so i wanna issue you a challenge...
    i want you to rewrite this without all the cliché ideas and unnecessary repetition and then i want you to let me know so i can check it out...
    give it a try... you might surprise yourself...
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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    108636

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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