first person by denial

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Submission Name: first person dots

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Author:	denial
Elite Ratio:	5.76 - 119/82/34
Words:	103

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	1264
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	727

Description:
this is so crap, i wouldn't comment.

first person dots

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atfirst we lit up
at any idea of the unnecessary
because there's mostly senseless hurt in all
mostly us

belittling is a thrill
for ones that sit at home all day
heads over each other
pissing our game

we're uncomfortable and packed
unbelieveably exclusive
to equal up to any other metaphor
one can come up with while not trying

she don't see herself in you for once!
or adventures from your bed
when you're up all night
on cold medicine

i never liked first person
as pathetic as third person sees
typing away at righteousness
and throwing up.

Submitted on 2006-06-27 23:22:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
cool. what? what? what? effing bloody what?
| Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by orderly conduct | [ Reply to This ]
hi
i'm mk and i'm new here.

i really like the last stanza...
i read it as if third person is seeing first person typing away at righteousness and throwing up at how vain the first person is.
I'm not really sure if that's what you were going for... but i liked it.

mk
| Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by mk666 | [ Reply to This ]

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108687

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.