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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: first persondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: denial
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 119/82/34
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1264
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727



    Description:
       this is so crap, i wouldn't comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfirst persondots
    -------------------------------------------


    atfirst we lit up
    at any idea of the unnecessary
    because there's mostly senseless hurt in all
    mostly us

    belittling is a thrill
    for ones that sit at home all day
    heads over each other
    pissing our game

    we're uncomfortable and packed
    unbelieveably exclusive
    to equal up to any other metaphor
    one can come up with while not trying

    she don't see herself in you for once!
    or adventures from your bed
    when you're up all night
    on cold medicine

    i never liked first person
    as pathetic as third person sees
    typing away at righteousness
    and throwing up.




    Submitted on 2006-06-27 23:22:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      cool. what? what? what? effing bloody what?
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by orderly conduct | [ Reply to This ]
      hi
    i'm mk and i'm new here.

    i really like the last stanza...
    i read it as if third person is seeing first person typing away at righteousness and throwing up at how vain the first person is.
    I'm not really sure if that's what you were going for... but i liked it.



    mk
    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by mk666 | [ Reply to This ]


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    108687

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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