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    dots Submission Name: You, you and you.dots

    Author: Orin
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 93/97/43
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 434

       For all of you that ever thought you mattered, and the one who always will.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou, you and you.dots

    Forget what happened.
    Let go of the past.
    Let go of the person you thought you knew.
    He doesn't exist anymore.
    Each of you, I showed sides of the prizm of my soul.
    Each of you saw something different.

    One ever saw the truth.
    No facets. No veils. No masks.
    And as we sit here, in a dark room,
    Watching the ambers fly,
    We know that this will never end.

    Submitted on 2006-06-28 02:06:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ok... the first stanza worked for me but then we started getting a lil too cliché in the idea... i dunno...
    i like the idea of a heart being a prism and therefore everyone sees a different dimension... thats kinda cool... a different swing on playing different roles for different souls and i like different swings...
    i think thats why the rest of the write let you down... it lost the different swing and went for what a million pieces before this one have... there is only one person who knows the real me... please be mine forever...
    while the feelings and the sentiment is no doubt real you gotta work it into a way that is YOURS... a way that is against the grain of previous writes so that this one stands out... like a tall poppy i guess... and thats the challenge...
    so i would encourage you to take up that challenge and rework this one... taking your first stanza and keeping on with the different swing seeing if you can keep the same sentiments just lose the clichéd lines...
    good luck...

    oh and im glad youve found someone you can be real with... thats what life is all about...
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very sweet poem. To me this reads as a true love kinda write and I think you should classify it as a love poem rather than 'misc'. It is lovely and nicely written with good expression of feelings. We all show different people different sides of ourselves but the real person inside isnt seen by most. It takes a very special person for us to allow them into the depths of our soul, the real person inside. There are so many sides to what makes us a person and we have the choice to show only what we want to who we want. When you meet that person that you can show it all to, it is wonderful. This poem captures that but it seems this one has ended on a rather sad note. Not a lifetime but rather just a time spent in your life. A good poem. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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