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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Slide-downdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1119
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1104



    Description:
       This has been lost in my journal for ages. I've finally gotten my comment ratio back on the positive side so here you go...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlide-downdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have whittled sections of myself away
    these bones no longer hold the
    diamond-hard cruelness you've come to expect

    These hands don't bruise so easily anymore
    these eyes have softened and dulled--
    no cold fire burns in their dark irises,
    no dagger-sharp danger lurks in their depths

    I have pared down our hatred, love
    it no longer rises like bile in my throat,
    churning my stomach into many threaded knots of disgust
    it no longer poisons my vessels into withered blackness

    Iíve become suspicious of the
    sweetness of your loaded kisses
    I fear you are slowly lacing my mouth
    with a more insidious toxin

    I have grown accustomed to the bite in your words,
    the glass on your tongue; the reliable sharpness
    of your nails in my forearm, your teeth in my shoulder
    Yet I fear the softness of your belly under my fingertips,
    the feminine curves of breast and hip

    No creature so hard should ever be this soft




    Submitted on 2006-06-28 10:09:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      'Loaded kisses...' What a fantasmic line...
    The last one kills me... That may be the best line I've heard in a poem, and the most memorable... EVER.

    I do find it a bit sad in the surrendering aspect...
    Like you've given up, and are just going to lie down and LET her be a cold hearted [censored]...

    But, if you love somebody, you love somebody, right? There isn't really an easy way out...

    I do so love the feeling of slowly being poisoned by her... 'loaded kisses'... I simply love that line...

    In this one episode of Firefly... (a show Joss Whedon did during Angel)- Well, the girl in this episode made people faint by kissing them... she smeared poison on her lips...

    This reminded me of that, in an abstract sense...

    May I have your permission to put your last line as one of my favorite quotes on my website?

    ~Syn
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by Syn | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand everyone else's thoughts on this piece, but when I read it I also think of distrust... becoming so accustomed to the hardness and anger that when things go well and you see the exposed softness below (realizing you care so much for this person you've been warring with) there's nagging fear that its a trap.
    Wow... I guess there's a lot to this piece. Reading and re-reading it I get several different impressions. Nice. And of course, I love your words. Seems you always choose the best ones.
    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the ending. It's on my quote list. I like that this is a free verse...it's my favorite of yours so far. There's a sense of distrust; on the one hand, you've grown accustomed to your lover's harshness, sharpness of tooth and nail and tongue...and then you feel her body, and it's like an epiphany halfway through sex. Wow. Faving this.

    Mel
    | Posted on 2006-07-03 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      No creature so hard should ever be this soft

    this is a beautiful ending to a confusing piece...
    its not written confusingly... its written very very clearly but one can sense your confusion about the subject and the last line highlights that for me...

    i really like this piece...
    everyones got their points of hardness... where theyre sharp and cruel maybe without meaning too they just some past experiences that made them that way... i guess thats how it works...

    i like that the narrative voice admits "i was once like you... i was once sharp" but then goes on to highlight the changes... the softening almost as if its a condition of being able to be with this person... and yet... in their softening they realise how hard the other person is and part of my sense a questioning about the need for softening but then... i think love does that somehow...

    this is a really full write...
    got lotsa levels and lotsa points to it...
    in itself it is sharp and honest... i guess thats what love is all about...
    i really liked it...
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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