[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I Have This Heartdots

    Author: lifeNsoul1224
    ASL Info:    17/F/ Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 182/159/60
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 893
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1026

       Heartbreaks are a bitch

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Have This Heartdots

    I have this heart
    That’s made of glass
    I gave it to a boy
    And now it’s smashed

    I put it in a box
    And wrapped it with a ribbon
    He promised to be careful
    With everything that was in it

    But the second he took it out
    He threw it at the wall
    Pieces scattered on the floor
    And I couldn’t feel at all

    “Why the hell did you give me this?”
    I guess that he was lying
    When he said he was in love with me
    He just left me there crying

    I crawled over to the wall
    And picked the pieces up
    They shrunk to half their size
    And barely filled the cup

    I tried to put them back together
    But the tape and glue wouldn’t hold
    So I sealed them away
    In a deep dark hole

    So, I don’t have this heart
    And I won’t give it to a boy
    Because no matter what they say
    They just use it as a toy

    Submitted on 2006-06-28 15:24:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I actually like the rhyming. Usually I don't, but this time it seems to work. The story behind this was heartfelt and straight foward. It made for an easy read. It isn't a very original topic, but it is so universal to everyone so it isn't expected to be. I really liked the end in correspondence with the rest of the piece. The only stanza that stood out and, I think, took away from the feel of the piece was this one:
    I crawled over to the wall
    And picked the pieces up
    They shrunk to half their size
    And barely filled the cup
    I am not really sure why, but it threw me off. Where did the cup come in? And why did the pieces of your heart shrink?
    Other than that, really good job. :D
    This actually reminds me of a poem I wrote, though mine was a bit more morbid. I like yours better.
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
    I like this one alot Adi. I like the way you rhymed it and I think it just kinda all flowed together pretty good. Nice Job!

    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Darkestlove | [ Reply to This ]
      overall i think it was okay. but i think you tried to hard to make it rhyme. next time, just try to let the words flow. i guarantee you'll be more satisfied with your poem... now, i do believe that it has great emotion feeding off of it. keep it up...
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by psycotic cowboy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]