I actually like the rhyming. Usually I don't, but this time it seems to work. The story behind this was heartfelt and straight foward. It made for an easy read. It isn't a very original topic, but it is so universal to everyone so it isn't expected to be. I really liked the end in correspondence with the rest of the piece. The only stanza that stood out and, I think, took away from the feel of the piece was this one: I crawled over to the wall And picked the pieces up They shrunk to half their size And barely filled the cup I am not really sure why, but it threw me off. Where did the cup come in? And why did the pieces of your heart shrink? Other than that, really good job. :D This actually reminds me of a poem I wrote, though mine was a bit more morbid. I like yours better. LeAnna
overall i think it was okay. but i think you tried to hard to make it rhyme. next time, just try to let the words flow. i guarantee you'll be more satisfied with your poem... now, i do believe that it has great emotion feeding off of it. keep it up...
Submission Name: I Have This Heart
