Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the evening news with Tom Orrow, Anne Thrax, and Bob.
Earlier today two American soldiers were killed by an ambulance speeding to save the life of an Iraqi POW who has attempted to commit suicide and nearly bled to death.
In other news, scientists performed an autopsy of the Iraq government, stating that the cause of death was America's involvement. President Bush's press secretary was unavialable for comment, but we did see a big sign on the white house gates that said "Gone Fishin'."
On to local events, Maine residents are in an uproar over a new legislature stating that having sex with your own cousin is illegal. One of the citizens commented that "Hey...Alabamans can do it, why can't we?" Indeed, Anne. why can't we?
I don't know, Tom, but here's Bob, with the weather
Thanks Tom. According to the prophecy, there's a slight chance of showers in the North-East region. The low-peer-pressure front will be moving out, to be replaced by a drug-induced coma. Back to you, in the studio.
Thank you, Bob. In the sporting world, the popular European sport soccer, was officially renamed to fagball by the NFL. According to an unnamed source, they were of the opinion that touching the ball with your feet had nothing to do with the sport's title, it was all about the people that played it.
You know, Anne, this topic has been brought up for discussion earlier, but the conversation moved on to boobies and was mostly forgotten about.
Ah, yes, I remember that, Tom, that was the day everyone in the studio did coke out of that hooker's bellybutton.
Oh no, Anne, she wasn't a hooker, she was just a secretary.
Well. that just about does it for the Channel 42 evening news report, thank you for watching and tune in tomorrow, when we discuss other insignificant shit that happens around you.