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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Reflection of a Broken Selfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dazed_confused
    ASL Info:    22/F/Cape Town
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 6/7/4
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1099
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 624



    Description:
       The destruction and editing of a much longer and more rambling poem resulted in this. I like it waaaaay better than the original. It's not really about much. Just thoughts about my life and where it's going and where it's not going. blah blah bleh. Hope y'all likes it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReflection of a Broken Selfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her eyes, glistening sadness, turn
    Towards the heavens. She cries,
    Tormented soul in anguish.
    As the mirror, reflecting, cracks.

    Through the sliver of light,
    Self seen too clearly,
    The image blinds and burns her eyes
    As the blame is shifted.

    From shattered image to her heart
    The truth no longer visible
    The pieces that are broken
    No longer make the whole,

    In pain she tries to smile.
    With unconvincing eyes...
    Happiness formed over nothingness
    Sleepwalking through lifelessness.





    Submitted on 2006-06-29 02:51:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      honey...
    realising that one needs to write about their worlds and work through their stuff this is a good shot at that...
    i mean im glad you are writing and trying to work out how your feeling about life and where its all at...
    but now i wanna challenge you to go beyond that... this piece sounds like all the other pieces ive read before (and was prolly guilty of writing when i first started the writing process)
    broken mirrors broken hearts broken girl and thats all ok... thats a fact of life in some ways... everything is broken... hurt it who we are
    but the challenge i think in writing is to convey brokenness in a new way... in our OWN way ya know...? take your brokeness and make it something real... something living...
    find your words for your feelings not the cliché ideas that are so old no one listens to them no more... i reckon you can do it... i really do...

    im glad you like this way better than in its orriginal form but my challenge to you is... dont leave it like this... work on it some more and really make it something to be proud of...

    good luck...
    if you choose to do anything with this i would be interested to check it out...
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I can visualise what you are saying so clearly, you express your feelings very well. The feeling of being lost and having no control comes through with "Happiness formed over nothingness
    Sleepwalking through lifelessness."
    Very good emotional poem.
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by deafeningsilenc | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sad Tiff, is this really how you feel. I feel for you, this was so sad. Jaydee is right when she says that this sounds like other poems but I think its coz I know you that I relate to it so much. I feel that missing your mom creeps up on you alot, which is only natural and that now that you are alone at home, you miss her more. If you ever want to talk, vent, cry, scream, I'd be honoured to be there for you. On a less personal note, I love the way it flows and is so abstract yet concise at the same time. I love the way it is written, honestly, you shouldn't change a thing.

    Luvvies, stax
    *dani
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by firefoxvixen | [ Reply to This ]


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