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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ummm... haven't a cluedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1151
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 562



    Description:
       Just words, with a touch of meaning and a little emotion thrown in...

    have you ever closed your eyes on a single teardrop and just recalled the past?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUmmm... haven't a cluedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I closed my eyes, and thought,
    A thousand reasons not to go,
    A million lights, I'll never show,
    But you were still with me.

    Defending you, I lost my hope,
    I'd buried pride, beneath the snow,
    But all since forgotten with painless woe,
    Your face, beside of me.

    A year my love, has now gone by,

    Do you still hear the sobbing cry?
    Of lust and love, of years gone by,
    From when we were, both you and I,
    Still breathing, 'bove the earth.




    Submitted on 2006-06-29 03:11:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wait, is this about both lovers dying, or just one. There is so much emotion in this poem, and I really love it. In your description, it said "just some words", and I thought I was going to read a bunch of words thrown together, that didn't really make any sense, but this is really good, and it ties into lots of emotions, like love, and heartache the most. I feel for the person, because in the beginning stanza, it seems like he was saying he wanted to kill himself, rather than live without her, and forver seeing her face. After still a year, the person is still mourning for his lost lover, and this is just so sad. I don't know if this was your intention, but the addition of "snow" in the poem, really adds to your topic of death, and coldness, and it really fits in quite well. Great job on this write here.
    Peace and love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      death of lovers... ones physical death the others emotional perhaps even spiritual death...

    i dunno...

    its hard for me to take this seriously...
    i guess coz... coz i had a boy i loved die... most of the writings on this site that own my name are about it one way or another... i only started writing to keep myself alive after his death really...
    for me it would be more than just words with a touch of meaning and emotion thrown in... this would be my whole entire life...

    man... if this really is the past... im sorry... i really am...

    the way you have written this is good...
    i mean... you kept your flow solid (with exception of stanza 2 line 3 which felt a lil off somehow) and your wording is... kinda old school... like your trying to achieve some piece of nostaligic love writing though sadly the end isnt a happy one...

    i like how you break time...
    with that one stand alone line... the passage of time... it is very effective here...
    it is also an effective way of changing the tone of the write and the direction its aimed at... it feels more questioning and lost than all thats lead up to this point and i guess it is in there that love is found...

    i would think about giving this a title though...
    a year beneath snow... i dunno... but i really would try find something that worked as a title for this piece... good luck...
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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