Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Close to Too Latedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 489
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 1372
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3118



    Description:
       Dark days man....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Close to Too Latedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bubble, Bubble,
    Toil AND Trouble,
    Build with me,
    Before it's all rubble.
    It's long past time for us to make a change
    Before we're all insane
    We gotta stop the pain.

    Where I come from you can't rely on the cops:
    People of color are four-fifths of traffic stops.
    Is there discrimination?
    Man – obviously!
    But the system keeps saying that the problem is me.
    So what can i do but fight knowledgeably,
    Against this modern day plantation with no apology?
    They keep boosting the technology to track me down,
    As though mere intimidation could back me down.
    What the hell would I say to my seed?
    As he grows up amidst all the corruption and greed?
    That first they took the poor folks,
    And then they took the freaks -
    And I shut the fuck up lest they come and take me?
    I wish someone would wake me
    From today's nightmare.
    There's a war going on and they don't fight fair.
    They leave the truth right there
    But rely on sleight of hand
    To turn eyes from the facts and pit man against man.
    We need a new plan:
    A way to save what's left.
    We must stand together
    And we can't fear death.
    'Cause if they killed Martin and Jesus
    Why not you and me?
    But if we let that stop us what kind of men would we be?

    In 1776 it got thick
    When we told the King of England he could suck our dicks.
    We wrote a constitution so it couldn't be repeated,
    And set things up so kings could never be seated.
    But now there's aristocracy threatening our free,
    And the rich man couldn't care less about South-East.
    Used to think they might but i'm older now.
    Still think it can change but i'm colder now.
    While the lies keep coming
    War drums keep drumming,
    An our elected officials are always up to something.
    Corporations loot us and cops come to shoot us,
    And Babylon runs the militaries that recruit us -
    On both sids of the coin,
    You think that gang that you join
    Is any different than Enron?
    Liberty purloined
    Is freedom just given away.
    And you ask me with a straight face
    'How I'm livin today?'
    What else am I to say
    But 'With my back to the wall?'
    Ain't trusting nothing but my brains and my balls.
    “Who shot Biggie Smalls?
    If we don't get them they gon' get us all!”
    But for myself I'll be elected to the city halls.
    And once there people gotta stay real,
    Drop the focus group mentality
    And go with what you feel.
    How much longer before people start to demand some change?
    And the whole power structure falls down like warm summer rain?
    I hope its not long that the people have to wait,
    Because we've come much to far to be so close to too late.




    Submitted on 2006-06-29 05:42:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. This is so powerful, and amazing, and just wow. What a great grasp of history you have, and the whyming, it just made it flow so well, and I honestly didn't want to stop reading. This was hard core, and it totally spread out the truth that racism and discrimination is still not dead, and that people still need to do something about it. It's one thing if someone is rascist, it's a totally different thing if someone is rascist and tries to keep you down just on the basis of your skin color. I believe that if more people read this poem, it will open their eyes. Great, and amazing job on this, and I believe that people should write more poetry on what is true, and not just abstract. I guess it takes a lot of skill to be able to put history into poetry, because this was amazing.
    Peace and love,
    Aya*
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      dude...
    like i said the other day i love your voice in your stuff...
    its so raw and so angry but most of all its real and i respect you for saying it...

    now... i aint from your country so my understanding of every word is not happening
    and i dont come from your world so my understanding of every deed is not happening
    but i do understand this...
    this is a stunningly composed rant...
    what i like about your stuff is its non-committed way of picking holes in everyone... you do not reserve the rights for one racial group, socio economic group or religious group... you take a pot shot at them all and in doing so it almost nillufies everything somehow...
    i mean... if they killed martin and jesus...
    im torn over which martin you speak of but im guessing its luther king jnr coz that prolly works itself into this piece better than the german reformer somehow... i dunno lol

    there are so many good lines in this piece...
    i could pick them all but then... you know them all... you put them there yourself already

    im thinking if you see the world this way law is going to be an interesting profession for you...
    do not sell your soul to the corporation... fight for the underdog i guess is what im trying to say but if you EVER become your own version of THE STRONG ARM or THE MAN or S.Brian "BULLDOG somecrap then ill never talk to you ever again (too much court tv for this girl lol)

    anyway yeah... all joking aside... very powerful piece...
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a good rhythm going on here. I kind of got a little thrown off in a few places...but when you flow such freestyles I know that at times the voice needs to be heard.

    Well...the content...I think that you had a lot of great content. Yet, you kind of jumped around a lot from one thing...to the next thing....and I was kind of like...What's going on? LOL! But....in other places your words were right on point.

    This felt very hip hop to me.....I am assuming it was suppose to. I'm a hip hop fan...so....I can understand the words. I just think that the piece would be better if you had a focus point...and maintained that focus point....

    I liked it for the most part. I think that if you really got into it...you could take us higher.

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Everything flows incredibly well and is just raw you. Flips from vulgar to eloquent, as you do in real life. Particularly liked the Shakespearean intro (assuming he wrote it), and the ending was abrupt, almost final...but definitely not cut short. Its like the part of the song that cuts out, and the artist says, "What." Or some similar interjection...heh, anyhow great write....loved the bit about the telling the king of england to suck dick, lol
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    108875

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry