By the way, your title has "marmite" in it... where is that stated in your poem? And camembert and brie are so alike that I fail to notice the differences personally... so, I'd pick something completely different from brie... like feta... or stilton (that sh.it stinks lol)... or something boring... like cheddar, know what I mean?
Continuing with my nitpicking, I think you have a lot of stuff here that's too... simply stated. I want to read something presented differently. In my opinion, I think you could really think about this-- distill it down to the barest essentials... what resonates the most-- the backbone of this piece. And then work from there.
You've got your emotions out... but it's like a journal entry to me. Is there a way to say this in a unique way... in a vibrant manner? For example, in your description you state: she's engaged to be married and yet we had a fling" -- In those few words you outlined everything with the most force. Work on that. Refine etc. Or perhaps... you could develop this into prose... or something like that. As it is, it's very skeletal.
Overall, I guess I want a bit more detail about her in the broadest sense... and also about experiences between you that lead up to this... or maybe after.
Now, I'm only being like this because you want nitpicking details... and because I think you know me well enough to know that I'm being sincere in what I'm trying to say to you... and that's to push yourself.
By the way, I like your first four lines a lot...it's a good opener.
God, I rant... and I'm supposed to be in bed. I'm gonna call it quits lol. Peace,
This is rreally sad My Friend it seems in this write you were folled into believing there could be a relationship by a woman who believes Love is sex This is so wrong I for one have never had sex and honestly dont intend to even though I am a 37 year old male Sex is not Love in fact sex is probably the reason most relationships are destroyed Sex is only meant to be shared between a husband and a wife when they are bringing a child in the World God Bless Ron
And I am Praying for Peace in your Country
Please if you get a chance Please check out some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron