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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Finessedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1001
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1120



    Description:
       If you read this you'll learn that its about a female and the female is not my mother, even if it says "ma" its like a nickname like "boo" or baby.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFinessedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mmmm...ma I felt
    You tremble from your head to your toes
    Under me
    My fingers seeking your hotspot
    And I push against it
    Over...over...and over
    Look at me...
    Ride it out mami

    My hands seeking your belt buckle
    Hands traveling across your spine
    Girl imma make you mine
    Screaming my name in octaves
    I can't even retain

    Biting on your colar bone
    Just to hear you moan
    My name in 3 octaves
    Mmm...ma being with you
    Makes me delirious

    In one...
    Then two
    Three
    Stroking, poking, probing you
    Into extacy
    Baby, scream for me

    Kissing your tears away
    Ride the pleasure
    Baby girl
    I've claimed you even if for
    Only one night

    Scream for me
    Let me know the pleasure
    Is just right
    As I soothe you into a frenzy
    Sshhh...hush
    It's all right
    We're just beginning
    If even for one night




    Submitted on 2006-06-29 07:56:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This had such intense feeling to it, and I have to say that it was really raw with energy. I say adding "ma" to it, really made it your own, and the reader got more of you from it. This was a really in depth poem, which gave you a wide view of how much love and passion can be in love making, but also the raw lust that is inevitable in that. Great job to you.
    Peace and love,
    Aya*
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Well...you were very deep with giving a vision. I think that you really put heart into this piece. You caught that zone and went with it.

    I understand the terminology of "ma". I think that when you add your own personal language to a piece it tends to make it more of an original. I like it when one can write and make it read as though they were talking. That really shows that you can become one with your poetry.

    This was rather explicit, yet at the same time held an innocence. I think that you gave the reader just enough to meet your zone....but left a lot for the person's mind to get into their own.

    I liked it.

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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