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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Letter to Myselfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1086



    Description:
       This is inspired by Bethany on ES. I just got so touched by one of her writes and although it took me a while to write it, i think i got to say what my heart wanted to say....Anyhow, It's based about writing to oneself when your loved ones cannot understand you...
    ~Irina~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetter to Myselfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Insanity is what you might call it
    Yet freedom is all I ever wanted
    Since I cannot talk to you about it
    You cannot say you were never needed.

    “My special dear diary,
    Only you can make me understand
    My inner thoughts and deeper feelings
    That has haunted me over the weeks.
    And although I said to myself fine
    Nothing has changed; all has remained,
    I was running away from the truth,
    Carrying the heavy burden on my shoulders.
    But I have to make the decision
    As to what my heart wishes to happen
    For I cannot remain in a trapped field,
    This ground forcing me to believe falsely.
    And so I turn to you Dear diary,
    Only you can make my visions clear.
    As the ink dries itself on your skin,
    An answer reveals the secret in my thoughts.”

    A smile of mine draws joy to your face
    Believing you helped my depression.
    But I will never confess the letter to myself
    For you shall never understand my insanity.





    Submitted on 2006-06-29 18:43:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Insanity is what you might call it
    Yet freedom is all I ever wanted
    Since I cannot talk to you about it
    You cannot say you were never needed.

    “My special dear diary,
    Only you can make me understand
    My inner thoughts and deeper feelings
    That (have) haunted me (these) weeks.
    And although I said to myself, fine
    Nothing has changed; all has remained,
    I was running from the truth,
    Carrying heavy (burdens) on my shoulders.
    But I have to make the decision
    As to what my heart wishes to happen
    For I cannot remain (trapped in a) field,
    This ground forcing me to believe falsely.
    (So) I turn to you Dear diary,
    Only you can make my visions clear.
    As the ink dries itself on your skin,
    An answer reveals the secret in my thoughts.”

    A smile of mine draws joy to your face
    Believing you helped my depression.
    But I will never confess the letter to myself
    For you shall never understand my insanity.


    Insanity thy name is self. Obviously this is similar to the meandering thoughts clinically depressed patients have had with doctors as they put on the big happy mask and, under the pretense of agreement (I've bought a gun. I'm going to kill myself. Everything's fine.), feign total joy. I suppose even a diary can be decieved if its only purpose is venting rather than change.

    Once again, I've tweaked a few things grammatically and left the content alone. Other than that, this write is fine.

    Take care, Irina.
    Bill.

    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Wait, so the write of the diary is trying to understand herself, but she will never face the truth about her bad relationship, because she doesn't want to understand why she is in it in the first place? I have to say that this is a truly origina write, because never have a I read a poem about a piece of writing that helps understands themselves. But you know what's funny about this, is that a poem is also a piece of literature that helps someone understand themselves, and it's not so much as that the readers understand the poem, but the writer must also, because the poem can have many different meanings to the readers, but only one true one for the one who wrote it, which is the true one. This really was a great write, and I do wish to read more from you also.
    Peace,love,light,
    Aya*
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just beautiful sweetie, and I just totally love it.. It spoke to me on a deeper level than I have felt touched in a long time, ever since I stopped cutting myself in fact, yet at the same time I see something for the current me as well.. I love the originality as well..

    Cheers,

    Tiffany aka Maskannai
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel that I can say alot about this, which is more than I can say for alot of others! Usually it is just either "I liked it because..." or, "I didn't like this part etc. because..." But the case with this poem is different. I neither loved it, as in having a personal connection with it, but I neither found it disagreeable. Do I make any sense? Moving on.

    I was very moved by your use of conversation--or rather one-sided monologuing in your head, directed at your 'diary.' It will never feel the feelings you are feeling, try as you might to convey the thoughts in your head. But it's paper. And it won't understand the insanity, or help, right? So, I think I understand the message, and I love the way you give it out, with the intro, then you try to write out your feelings in a 'diary,' and then you give it up for uselessness. I like the first and last parts in ways of how it impacted me as a reader, but the middle part needs some work:

    “My special, no, /dear/ diary,
    Only you can make me understand
    My inner thoughts, and deeper feelings,
    That have haunted me over the weeks.
    And although I said to myself "Fine
    Nothing has changed"; all has remained,
    The same.

    I was running away from the truth,
    Carrying the heavy burden on my shoulders.
    But I have to make the decision
    As to what my heart wishes to happen.
    For I cannot remain in a trapped field,
    This ground forcing me to believe falsely.

    And so I turn to you Dear diary,
    Only you can make my visions clear.
    As the ink dries itself on your skin,
    An answer reveals the secret in my thoughts.”

    Lets see. I didn't tweak it much, but I did add some separation, to emphasize each point that you make, and to give it a little more 'umph'. I also fixed some comas and grammar, but that's pretty much it. It didn't need that much, but I think that this was easier for me to follow, flow-wise. It is your poem, and I sincerely hope that whatever compelled you to write this passes, without scars--and may the light shine on your path for the rest of your days. If you ever need to read something happy, visit my page, or for more visit Aetha Daemon. *They are one, the ring, and sauron...* hint, hint. Anyway, I hope I helped, and didn't babble too much. Oh, and I must thank you for the fantastic review of "What have I done?" I really, REALLY have no idea where I came up with such a dark poem...it is very uncharacteristic of me.
    ~Maeve
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Maevity | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem struck a chord with me. I keep a diary and have done for years. When I was younger, I used to write in them and keep them for ages. Every now and again, I would look at them and it always suprised me that I felt a certain way. Now though, I write in my diary and re-read it the next day, which always helps me to make sense of my thoughts because when I write, I do so subconsciously, so I am completely honest with myself. The day I read it, I also burn it and tell myself that I have dealt with it and the chapter is now closed and so I find it easier to move on. That's just my way of dealing with things :-)

    As the ink dries itself on your skin,
    An answer reveals the secret in my thoughts

    I really like this part, I have never thought about it like that, it's a very interesting slant. Writing things down make it so much easier to put it into perspective. Mel.
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      "I said to myself fine/ Nothing has changed" That line is something that I've said to myself a lot of times when things have bugged the crap out of me. But the truth is that writes like these really does set those things that you keep telling yourself are nothing free. It sets those burdens free. No matter how "insane" you might think the diary things you are. ;) Cause, in reality all a diary is really is writing to yourself.
    Nice piece. I hope it helps you! :)

    --blt
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      hey Irina. this piece kinda spoke to me on what i've been thinking about. it might not be what you were talking about, but it made me think of how sometimes i find myself crazy for the lonliness i suffer from when i'm alone and needing attention. it made me think of all the times when i was alone and not with anyone, it made me think of how that feeling was, being alone and wanting to be with someone but not having anyone and my soul calling out for another.

    great job.

    my friend says your hot......dont ask why. he's, well......idk.

    Zach
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Highly original, very creative and superbly crafted. This is very very good.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I also think your idea is original, but I also know exactly what you're talking about. Actually, (and you know this) it isn't the diary itself that helps one understand: it's the writing out of the problem.

    You didn't specify what type of feedback you want, so I'm going to go whole hog here and give you a full critique.

    I think, more than anything else, you need to cut, cut, cut. You've got a lot of words here, and you could probably cut a third of them and only add power to your poem. You reduce the impact of a piece with every unnecessary word. Our brains have to spend some of their focus on those words rather than keeping it on the important ones. An example, if you will allow:

    My special dear diary,
    Only you can make me understand
    My inner thoughts and deeper feelings
    That has haunted me over the weeks.
    And although I said to myself fine
    Nothing has changed; all has remained,
    I was running away from the truth,
    Carrying the heavy burden on my shoulders.

    I assume that this is an especially important entry and that's why you started it with a more grandiose salutation, but let's try: "Dearest diary". I'm going to do a rewrite of the rest of this stanza, but it's only to show what you can do - it's not to be construed as an example of how it should necessarily be written.

    Dearest diary,
    Help me understand
    the thoughts and feelings
    haunting me, hurting me.
    I tell myself "all is the same",
    yet I know I am running from
    the truth.
    I carry its burden
    on my fragile shoulders.

    That was 37 words compared to your stanza which has 50 words. I think my stanza was pretty true to the idea you expressed in yours, but with many fewer words to draw the focus away from the main idea.

    After you've cut away the clutter, then you can begin to look at anything else that might need work. I like your idea. mae
    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write. Honest and open with yourself and that is so important. Sometimes it is so hard to confide in another person about how you think and feel. Sometimes it seems as if nobody understands you or how you feel, or they just cant be bothered with giving you the time you need to express yourself. Sometimes all you have is yourself and using a diary in this way is really very good. Writing has a way of releasing all of what is inside and is very effective at making you feel better. It seems it doesnt really matter who (or what) you tell your feelings to, as long as you get them out. This is a well written write and I hope it helped you to get this out. Good work. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-07-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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