[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Fingers and Paperdots

    Author: akaietowa-ru_18
    ASL Info:    20/F/Belly of the Beast
    Elite Ratio:    3.68 - 101/125/64
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1317
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1157

       NOt good I know, but I was reading a fanmade story. Yes it's an anime fanfic, but damnit if it didn't give me some morals. IT's just scary to think of how you can lose everything in an instant. How the hell are you really supposed to feel? Angry? Sad? Happy?

    There are many possibilities. YOu tell me what this made you feel. I'm on neutral, I really don't feel emotions that much. But bah! This is therapy for others!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFingers and Paperdots

    Fingers; small tiny fingers.
    Child like, soft, frail,

    They run over paper.
    white, crisp, new,

    Thinking thoughts over,
    fingers turned with the paper.
    Smoothing it out, cherishing it almost.
    Then a 'rip was heard.

    The paper got smaller,
    slowly-- in an instant.
    Fingers let the ripped peice fly,
    off with the wind.
    Sending a message.

    Fingers; rough long fingers.
    Worn, dirty, strong,
    shivering against the wind.

    Old paper; browing paper.
    Rough, crumpled, worthless,
    warm in a pocket.

    Smiling softly, almost bitterly
    those fingers roughed over the old paper.
    'Rip', came once more.
    Small peices of the same ugly brown,
    floating, floating onto the ground.

    A pair of loaffers step on them.
    Gone with a second.
    FInally comming out of hiding
    wind picks up the ugly brown and turn them softly;
    the message flys off once more,
    off after the now vained cold man.

    Submitted on 2006-06-30 00:23:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like this - you do a good job with the metaphor. however you could tigthen it a bit. also, i think the 1st word should be on a line by itself. nice job with this though - thoughtful and winsome.


    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      well im pretty much a newb to poetry so my comment might not matter to u but ur poem is great, and as joe commented the first word should be by itself and i think the first word in the 5th paragraph should be by itself to and alos its a good metaphor.

    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by newbee | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]