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Fingers; small tiny fingers. Child like, soft, frail, warm.... They run over paper. white, crisp, new, cold.... Thinking thoughts over, fingers turned with the paper. Smoothing it out, cherishing it almost. Then a 'rip was heard. The paper got smaller, slowly-- in an instant. Fingers let the ripped peice fly, off with the wind. Sending a message. Fingers; rough long fingers. Worn, dirty, strong, shivering against the wind. Old paper; browing paper. Rough, crumpled, worthless, warm in a pocket. Smiling softly, almost bitterly those fingers roughed over the old paper. 'Rip', came once more. Small peices of the same ugly brown, floating, floating onto the ground. A pair of loaffers step on them. Gone with a second. FInally comming out of hiding wind picks up the ugly brown and turn them softly; the message flys off once more, off after the now vained cold man. |
i like this - you do a good job with the metaphor. however you could tigthen it a bit. also, i think the 1st word should be on a line by itself. nice job with this though - thoughtful and winsome. peace, joe | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ] | well im pretty much a newb to poetry so my comment might not matter to u but ur poem is great, and as joe commented the first word should be by itself and i think the first word in the 5th paragraph should be by itself to and alos its a good metaphor. | from: nick | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by newbee | [ Reply to This ] | |