Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lingering Rosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xXCptn_SephyXx
    ASL Info:    22/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 46/119/104
    Words: 489
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1059
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2926



    Description:
       Lol. This is an interesting poem I wrote that was inspired by a scene in the Phantom of the Opera, as seen in my avatar for my page. It's a bit sad and emotional, but, when I read it over and over, I tend to think of the whole 'love scene-break heart' moment in the movie. Lol. Read it and tell me what you think. I'm sure many of you can relate to it in some way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLingering Rosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    What is this on the ground taking form in the snow?
    A rose?
    Why is it here?
    Looking down at this gorgeous token,
    I smile.
    Now I remember.
    I pick the everlasting flower from the ground.
    I hold it close to my chest,
    I can remember when you gave this sign to me
    It was a sign of your love and care for me.
    Raising the petals up to my nose,
    I hang onto the scent of your touch.
    You held me close,
    Whispering gently into my ear:
    “I will never let go. Not now. Never. You will be in my soul forever.”
    I looked up at you and smiled,
    Knowing that you truly cared for me,
    From the bottom of your heart.

    Gently lifting my gaze from the rose,
    I see you standing there,
    A few feet in front of me with a smile spread across your face.
    But your eyes not locked with mine.
    You look lost,
    Yet content.
    As a child is when his mother is no where to be found,
    But still has a companion to play with in the park.
    I take a step closer to you.
    You do not move.
    You don’t even acknowledge my mere existence,
    Almost as if you were in a dazed trance.
    Why?
    Why don’t you even try to see what’s near?
    I take a step closer and gently move the back of my hand against the back of your neck.
    Nothing.
    Wait a second.
    Is that footsteps I hear in the distance?
    You immediately turn your head in the direction of the noise.
    What could it be?
    I move backwards slowly from you,
    The beautiful rose clutched close to my chest.
    I watch as a figure moves from the shadows into the dim light.
    A woman with the most beautiful figure moves her graceful arms slowly around your body.
    My heart races in confusion.
    Who is she?
    A friend?
    A Sibling?
    Kin?
    She slowly makes her way towards your face,
    Locking her lips with your own.
    You embrace her,
    Telling her something that you once had told me a long time ago:
    “I will never let go. Not now. Never. You will be in my soul forever.”
    My arm lowers back down to my side,
    Along with the rose.
    My grip along the stem tightens,
    A stream of blood starts to pour out,
    The thorns digging into my hand,
    Just as my heart did,
    When you tore it out right in front of me.

    Without hesitation, I drop the sign of your love and care.
    I stand motionless,
    Feeling nothing.
    You walk past me,
    Your gaze only on her.
    Now I know that you weren’t my soul mate.
    You never were.
    I smile now that I have realized it,
    Tears stream down my face.
    But, I know that you are happy.
    And I know I will be soon.
    When I move on to better things.




    Submitted on 2006-06-30 21:18:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Really, really good but you kinda lost me when you wrote soul mate. somehow that word infected itself onto the poem and made it sound a bit corny. but soon forgotten and overall I really liked it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one, It feels professional. nice work:)

    Creep-
    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by Mr. Creep | [ Reply to This ]
      The positive ending made me sad lol
    I know thats weird, but since my ending probably wont be a happy one, then it makes me sad to see (or read) people being able to look on the bright side (lol which I could clearly never do).

    Anywho, I love every word of this.
    It's usually hard for me to make a poem like a story. lol So I'm fascinated whenever you do it.
    Your fountain of creativity just never stops flowing, does it?
    (Hah Like my metaphor?)

    "But your eyes not locked with mine.
    You look lost,
    Yet content"

    That's so sad. It made me kind of mad too.
    I hate the way someone who used to "love" you can suddenly just direct their heart and attention elsewhere.
    (lol I'm bitter.)

    "As a child is when his mother is no where to be found,
    But still has a companion to play with in the park."

    And that was just too creative. Wonderful way to describe it.

    "You embrace her,
    Telling her something that you once had told me a long time ago:
    'I will never let go. Not now. Never. You will be in my soul forever.' "

    Ooo that made me mad too. (Hah once again, it's the bitterness talking.)
    Although, I think it might be my favorite part. I dont know. Its hard to pick
    But like I said before, if it makes you feel something, that means its good. And this definitely is.

    If I wasn't so overmedicated, I may have even cried.

    As always
    Beautifully done

    -nikkki

    ( I love the title too.)
    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.........this has to be a favorite poem of mine i've read on this site. ofcourse it does help that i jsut split with a man who claimed to love me. and he moved onto another with out so much as a backwards glance. this was really good. joanna
    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by heartless_ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    109048

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry