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    dots Submission Name: For Youdots

    Author: EsCaPisT
    ASL Info:    17,Female,Singapore
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 42/38/38
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 891
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 483


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Youdots

    For you...
    I cried a tears so many
    I whispered words so funny
    I cared more than any
    I listened till i carry-can't...

    For you..
    My eyes were red, sore
    I learnt to love much more
    I closed my eyes, before
    I wake up to, no more

    For you..
    I'd lose all my assets
    I'd breathe a new atmosphere
    I'd judge a new year
    I'd grudge for my dear-

    Submitted on 2006-07-01 01:06:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i kinda agree. but i love it.....I can relate so much its not even funny...
    keep it up it is really good i love it.

    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by luvneverreturnd | [ Reply to This ]
      nice, but just a few comments from me:

    "I listened till i carry-can't..."
    The wording at the end seems really awkward, plus it breaks up the rhyming scheme too.
    Same thing with "I'd lose all my assets," you have every single line rhyming with each other, but then you have one line that doesn't, seems very out of place to me.

    But those are just technical issues, it really gives the "I want you so badly that I can't think straight anymore" feeling.
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by h4z3r1d3r | [ Reply to This ]

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