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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If You Only Knew Part 1dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Misc/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 1069
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 859



    Description:
       Lyrical poem about this girl I met the other day.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf You Only Knew Part 1dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking down the street,
    laid my eyes on you,
    Went ahead gave you a smile,
    Seen you smiling too,
    Looking at your features,
    Slowly finding out the clues,
    Beautiful, sexy, and elegant,
    just like the blues,
    Couldn't help myself,
    There was a thing I had to do,
    So I started walking over,
    thinking damn she cute,
    Emotions running wild,
    like animals breaking out of the zoo,
    Asking out loud,
    could something so perfect be true?
    You caught my eye,
    and now running away with my heart too?
    She gave a smile,
    her number, and a kiss on the cheek,
    and luckily for me,
    it was the end of the week,
    so I phoned her up,
    and as I said hi,
    she answered,
    wanna come over and have some fun tonight?




    Submitted on 2006-07-01 18:02:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       I like that. You've always had a wonderful way of describing things.

    "could something so perfect be true?"

    That is the best question ever... and possibly one with no answer.

    Sorry I cant make this better. I'm all out of stuff to say.

    As always,
    Very nicely done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Uh oh! Sounds like somebody is going to get them some! Or were you gonna just go over and play Scrabble?

    LOL!

    This was cute! It did have that childhood feel to it. Well....grown childhood! So...yes...the teen category does apply.

    I liked the rhythm that you used in this. And I like the simple words of emotions that laid the whole piece out.

    I think that you did a great job telling the story of something that happens regularly. I was smiling throughout this piece. Smiling at the innocence. It was kind of hood in a way....yet with a touch of class and love.

    Great job chulo!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee hee!! This is definitely a cute poem. And you have captured this moment well with your words. Meeting someone is always exciting, especially when you're attracted to them! haha! These moments in life make things worthwhile and the beginning of relationships are always the best. You did a fine job at describing her in this poem. You allow the reader to "be" right there with you in the moment. Good stuff!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha, I really enjoyed this poem. It's easy to read and it's not heavy. I especially like
    "Emotions running wild,
    like animals breaking out of the zoo,"
    It makes the poem more interesting, and more descriptive. Very enjoyable poem

    Xana
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by xana | [ Reply to This ]


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