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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heavy Mentaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1153
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 398



    Description:
       Short... not so sweet simple... This one is dedicated to the o so interesting Alvaro... for those of you who remember Al from my Journal *hint hint* yea I wrote this for him. During the past school year sometime in February. It was a dark crush (literally) and I didn't care how mean he was to me. I loved it... and then after a while I realised just what a butt he really was... HA! some would say it took me long enough... I practically broke up with my boyfriend for 5 months for him... I still ended up breaking up with him at that same time though, just for a different -and much better- reason. :) let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeavy Mentaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Darkness silently invades my soul
    Causing me to wonder why I'm still alive
    Everytime I try to change,
    Something happens to change me right back.
    I want to be BRIGHT *shudders*
    I want to be happy
    And bringing me back to the darkness
    Won't benefit anyone, trust me
    You say you're a happy person
    Well, I want to be one too.




    Submitted on 2006-07-01 22:00:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey that aint bad... The first few lines had me going and then you just flipped me around.. I liked the nonchalant "bright" joke. You put a good twist on fighting emotions and trying to be happy at the same time. It's like nobody wants to piss the good side or the dark side off.


    You put it well into light. Sorry for taking so long... As Akon would say, a brotha been "locked up". But I'm glad I read it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this poem its so much bettr than mine and i think u know exactly what ur talkin about too...good job and keep writin...please comment on my poems
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Amberger | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I liked this a lot. It was a short poem, but it was a good one. Let me see if I understand it though...you wanted to be happy, but you couldn't seem to escape the darkness that overwhelmed you. You think...no thought that he was the one for you. That he could give you happiness.
    If that's it, then I can certainly understand. I have had many relationships like this and I thought that they all could make me happier. But it turned out, that didn't happen.
    Anwyay, as far as any mistakes, I didn't see any at all. In all my comments, I try to give advice, you know, to make it better. But I don't see anything that needs advie. Plus, I'm really not the best person to be giving advice anyway.

    ~Piper
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      "Darkness silently invades my soul
    Causing me to wonder why I'm still alive
    Everytime I try to change,
    Something happens to change me right back.
    I want to be BRIGHT *shudders*
    I want to be happy"
    This part i love. It puts into words what i have been feeling for a long time, and it is written so well.
    "And bringing me back to the darkness
    Won't benefit anyone, trust me
    You say you're a happy person
    Well, I want to be one too."
    This part is where you kinda lost me. i think it was the first line there...And bringing me back to the darkness...the and and bringing kinda threw me. overall, a good write, but you may want to think about reading this over. sometiems a second view makes a difference with things. i liked it tho, dont take my critisism as much. :) ~Nichole
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]
      wishing to be happy but staying from the dark, is a hard task and that can barely happen. you had gotten wiser and more happier since the first time we was talking. keep at it my daughter. for this person you like/ crush for never think he is that sorce of happiness. just keep safe. as for the poem, I truly liked it. it was in depth of feelings. a fav here peace
    | Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by dudethis | [ Reply to This ]


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