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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: car freestyledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unknown soldier
    ASL Info:    17/kenner, La (N.O)
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 1348/1346/203
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1061
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 807



    Description:
       i was typing this up during a car ride one day and...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscar freestyledots
    -------------------------------------------


    White on black violence, call it Cookies and Crme
    Make your girl start to scream as I get her nookie to cream
    Ignored like a diamond with a glisten that you mistook for a gleam
    Reality mixes with fantasy since the powers that be shook up your dreams
    Going after the king once I knock your rook with my queen
    People think that Im Emeril the way I cook up these schemes
    Smooth criminal, Im a lyrical crook getting green
    Im a star so shining is natural and thats all it took to get seen
    All I had was a rap book and a dream
    So many hit choruses, I must have hooks in my genes
    Reading my poetry, trying to break it down, youre looking for themes
    I hold the Lyricist Belt and keep the threads of the game as the seams of my jeans




    Submitted on 2006-07-01 23:47:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is really good
    You took a freestyle rap and worded it brilliantly in Poetry
    That isnt easy to do
    I enjoyed this
    I look forard to reading more new writes from you
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      All this from a car ride eh? Not bad Troy. I liked the way you kept the same ending rhyme and the flow. Some of the lines could use a bit of polishing up, but overall, you did a good job. I would like to see you expand this more and add more to it. I think that humidity there finally got to you darling. lol.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      like i said if anyone is going to make me like rap its you.....
    loved this line, "Ignored like a diamond with a glisten that you mistook for a gleam"
    AL
    | Posted on 2006-07-03 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      hey u!!! ok this was not bad u!! ahhhh i dont noe wat 2 say theres so much pressure! im doin this contest wit jess! shes [censored]in crazy! ok anyway um... it had a good flow and the rhymin was good!! i dont think there was anythin wrong with it!good joB!
    ~akaila~
    ps. did i tell u my mom is makin me take a speed reading class for comprehension! what im trynna figure out is how da hell do u speed read a book and expect to learn anything!
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      yo that was nice man, forreal, that whole thing was good, like always, but heres my favorite parts

    White on black violence, call it Cookies and Crme
    Make your girl start to scream as I get her nookie to cream

    Smooth criminal, Im a lyrical crook getting green
    Im a star so shining is natural and thats all it took to get seen

    All I had was a rap book and a dream
    So many hit choruses, I must have hooks in my genes

    yo I"m lookin forward to that remix, thass gonn have to be good, I'll holla atcha lata

    deuce up
    j sells
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. Alot of mixed stuff all put together, Ilike this alot hun. :)
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      hey bubz, on the road is where i get a lot of inspiration too, i liked this, flow was good, and it showed a lot of ur diverse character, great stuff!
    keep em cummin
    kyrenia
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      DAMMIT MAN!!
    WHAT?!
    "I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU EAND THIS MORE THO -"-JUST KIDDING :) ITS PERFECT
    | Posted on 2006-08-20 00:00:00 | by Sera Rojas | [ Reply to This ]
      the end was nice- ok flow
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by ms.v | [ Reply to This ]


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