She does not look up at him
Or ask him to say a word
This silence is their destiny
He will not wait for her
Though her heart is pounding
Tears threaten her eyes
She does not mouth the words
They both long to hear
Shaking his head he turns
Slowly he walks away
He lingers just long enough
To give her one last chance
But the tears have fallen
She is already mourning him
She lets all the dreams and make believe
Slowly leave her soul
There is no more winter warmth
Or gentle loving whispers
His hand no longer waits for hers
She turns to walk alone
From the shadows he emerges
To watch the one who broke him
Walk away in silence
I like how this really captures the feeling of two people breaking up. It kind of runs on a little bit. I mean, maybe you could break it into stanzas or something. Just a suggestion. But other than that, I really enjoyed it. Like I said before, I like how it really captures the feeling and makes you feel what they are. It's unique, I like that. Everyone is entitled to their own style. I think you've found yours. Keep up the good work!
This is pretty good. It's a pretty traditional love poem though; I don't know if that's good or bad. It's strange that most love poems are the negative sort (in that the couple doesn't live happily ever after), but I suppose that's realistic. You could probably tighten this up a little.
She is not ready, but she is powerful. I like how it explaines his willingness to continue. Perhaps he has betrayed her or maybe she is just not ready, but I think is a good portrait of their interlude.
I'm getting all sorts of ideas from this. I like abuzzbuzz92's idea of this being a parent and child, unfortunatly the line "gentle loving whispers " would make it seem a little incestuous to me. lol. I get the feeling though of an unwanted leaving from both sides, as though he, was being draughted into war or they both show regret for an incident only hinted at.
The lines "From the shadows he emerges To watch the one who broke him Walk away in silence" were wonderful, the looking back from a point where he was sure he wouldn't be seen, to contemplate the regret of his actions and not influence hers... *goes weak at the knees* I know the feeling well and it really brought back memories for me.
Now to criticise... umm... a little more punctuation? I added a few pauses while reading that I'm not sure should have been there.. and... nah. Nothing to criticise, it was great!
Hey, remember me? This was good in a way. I have some suggestions to smoothen the reading of this one:
[That] they both long to hear Shaking his head [,] he turns
I didn't like the wording in these lines. The top one had too many. The suggestion I could give you about that would be to take out half the line as so:
She lets all the dreams  Slowly leave her soul
Even in the last few lines, some kind of pause is needed before saying the last line:
Walk away in silence, ...Their destiny…
I am still not clear what type of a relation these two share. *peeks into other comment* Amy says it is a love poem. I didn't think so myself. It sounded like a father-daughter relation, I am not sure why I am thinking so though. And you have put this poem in the miscelleanous category, which further puzzles my already confused mind. But whatever the relation between them, you did manage to put a lot of emotion behind this. Well done!