Description: I wrote this while angry so I hope it's still good and unclichéd, but the anger probably hindered me.
Your Nightmare -------------------------------------------
Your thoughts of suicide were
carved internally
with my blood-stained hate.
A disease clotted in your throat
silencing your cries for help.
Forced behind a shattered mirror
with tears that never fall,
watching my contagion
eat your veins alive.
Welcome to your nightmare
where...
I'm the mirror on the wall.
I'm the voices in your head.
I'm the noose around your neck.
I'm the fear under your bed.
Like a convict lead
to the executioner's chamber,
an infected mind
gasping for lucidity,
screaming prayers of mercy.
Welcome to the aftermath
where...
I'm the sordid path to hell.
I'm the angel stitched in death.
I'm the killer in your dreams.
I'm your last intake of breath.
This is really good This write is incredibly angry but surprisingly you were able to capture that anger and put it perfectly to words That is not an easy task to accomplish This write to me would also sound very well matched to Music They are superb lyrics God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
I can't get over how creepy this is. i might have to take it off of my favs. cause everytime i look at the title Your Nightmare i have to read again. dude it rocks so much. i wouldn't change a thing. Kudos....Major Kudos....... Still amazed Urs truly Heartless Cole
Creepy. I don't think I've ever disliked one of your pieces and that's a very good thing, and I love this one. The "I am" parts were what I liked the best. I think I'm going to add this to my favorite's list. ;)
Wow, that was impressive. It would make a hell of a song. Tell me are you into music any? If you are perhaps we should write some songs together. I am into the same sort of genre. Dark and creepy lol. That was enthralling, and invigorating. I was just hoping some music would sprawl out of it! It was great keep up the good work.
wow, this was amazing and I didn't think it was cliché....then again maybe my opinion is a little clouded, I'm pissed as hell right now....but I loved this and it described exactly what I'm feeling, which actually is rare for me to want to hurt someone so badly just for what they said but honestly I can't forgive him, i hope he dies and I wish I could be the one to make it happen, *breathes* anyway I loved this and I gotta mention that I loved ur use of "lucidity" cause there were so many other overused terms most writers would have used in it's place, my favorite part would either be the whole last stanza or "Welcome to the aftermath" because it really reminded me of this one fleshfield song...well the words themselves reminded me of the title to "redemption [The aftermath]" but it kinda reminded me of "redemption [the rage]" except that in the lyrics themselves it's 'welcome to my rage// Welcome to oblivion" I'm not sure if you did that on purpose or even noticed it but that just came to my mind as I read it, thanks for posting...damn ok I'll post mine but it's not nearly as good as this, and I won't say too much more I'm in a really really dangerous mood actually I might chill first....great write love ya, ~jess
Great poem! It kind of reminded me of Nightmare on Elm Street (which were good movies). Your wording is so discriptive that I visualized the whole thing as I was reading it. I like writings like that. You have a great talent, keep writing! :)
Submission Name: Your Nightmare
