[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sunglass Picture Showdots

    Author: andrya
    Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 508/419/62
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 1087
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1208

       Brainstorming. A work in progress if you will.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunglass Picture Showdots

    Jet-black Jackie-O shades do more than protect from the sun.
    Emotion hidden, large brims cover the surprised, involuntary eyebrow movement when another shows unexpected patience.
    Lips can be trained to speak a lie, to make shapeless words into curvy, appealing sounds.
    The frustration masked in the dark tint, as eyes do not betray what the heart knows.
    A sigh, a stare falls, and then darts up to meet the reflection of another pair of sunglasses, concealing the lying blue eyes.
    Eye contact exchanged for false connection, in the effort to distort human emotion, fabricate a situation, glasses conceal all.
    Psuedo time between the 2 lenses, without the ability to read the truth in ones eyes, one may as well quit the meaningless conversation.
    In a whisper, lips feign a smile; it glides across a painted face with no hesitation, and creates the illusion of ease.
    Eyes flaunt the truth. Exposed and defiled, barren and soulful.
    Eyes speak with genuine faith as lips attempt to conceal it.
    So put on those av's, because lying, the telling of beautiful untrue things, is the proper aim of not just art, but humanity.

    Submitted on 2006-07-02 22:05:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    WELL, I loove the idea, and it's so true.. and I like alot of the vocab you used as well, it just fits. But I do find it a little hard to read I guess but all you gotta do is take out some words and maybe fix some others and it's stellar!
    This poem is so you by the way.. you and your shades.

    And I am throughly happy that you are writing again because you certaiinly arent on diaryland. Not like I am either, nor have I even logged on to this site in quite some time but I do enjoy logging on and seeing that you wrote something! wooo!

    "The future's bright... I gotta wear shades.."

    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by Lova_Star | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice concept. As a poem, this seem to need alot more work. As a random thought, this was good. I think if this is to be a poem, you may want to be more concrete as to what you are speaking about and give more imagery as to the two people making eye contact with shades on. Maybe go in to more detail about how the shades play a part in this poem. I don't know, I could be wrong. I am sleepy right now. lol. Overall, good, but to vague and needs more work as you stated.

    | Posted on 2006-07-03 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]