This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Into Oblivion's Waning Bed


Author: mrmundane
ASL Info:    20/m/vancouver bc
Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 47 /96 /78
Words: 175
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 819
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1211



Description:




Into Oblivion's Waning Bed



to sacrifice what you needed
to languish in what you bloody hated

bloood and guts
of our dearly beloveds
all thoughts trained on deals dead
entrapments encircle the wrong do-ers in my head
and crush them
into oblivion's waning bed

years of torment
bear the shredding malice of revenge
bones shall break in every body
who's mouth caused me undo anxiety
who's fist knocked out my wind

force fed fear into me instead
how dare they, with their money, their prosperity
how dare they, with their money, their prosperity
how dare they, with their money, their prosperity

how do they go on without fear, without agony
when i am left undead, intact with my fury
needlessly they sleep comfy
needlessly they lead lives
needlessly built on trampling the sick
me beneath their gregarious brashy
lives built on lies

i spit on them for what they've done
and hate them for my lost sanity and pride...
and shall their lives be forever a shambled.
just like the dregs i am inside.




Submitted on 2006-07-03 05:45:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Angst with a much wider vocabulary than the average black-clad teen decked out in a beret. Several typos, such as the lower-casing of 'I.' I like the ending, because it's sort of like a curse; perhaps you could add to that and make this piece slightly less...vampiric.

Mel
| Posted on 2006-07-03 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
  Amazing!!! There is a few typos but they don't take anything away from your work. We all have days when we write very angst work and we are entitled to do so without some one saying it is vampiric!
| Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by sunraybutterfly | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



109270