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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The world itself is artdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jeniffer
    ASL Info:    18/f/earth
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 236/266/76
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 448
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 872



    Description:
       This is an idea that has been brewing under the surface, and I just winged it without writing it down first, so keep that in mind. It is still a work in progress.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe world itself is artdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking through a gallery of columbine
    and daffodil,

    beneath the famed painting of the sky,
    daubed with the paintbrush of creation
    and framed with the greenness of trees,

    with the bow of the wind on the strings of the leaves, straining music to our ears,

    we remember that the world itself is art.

    With our mortal mediums
    of actual paint
    and infinitesimal brush
    on palpable paper
    and human minds,
    we mimic the Creator,
    Who had no model from which to sculpt,
    turning out our masterpiece to the museums of men.

    Running and swimming and flying in the backyard,
    on the royal bed of grass beneath the blue dome of the sky
    and haloed by the warmth of the sun,

    what a world God made for us.





    Submitted on 2006-07-04 00:04:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is Beautiful
    You said the same thing I try to tell people all the time who are sad or depressed
    All one has to do is look at all the beauty in The World That God created unselfishly for us his children on Earth to realize Yes there is a God
    And with all his Love inside of your heart there will never be room for sadness
    I only wish people would open their hearts and realize God has already placed the Answer to World Peace in front of us
    The answer is Love Sweet Love
    And Yes you are absolutely right
    The World itself is Art
    For Art is Beauty
    And Beauty is Art

    God Bless Ron

    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      as much i liked your poem it read like piece of prose.
    instead of a poem of nature
    it's needs too flow as your walking through the garden.
    more detail please. as painter of words you need more detailed color describe what your
    seeing so the reader can feel it


    this is just a small correction on your piece

    As your walking through the
    gallery of columbine and daffodil,
    beneath the framed painting of the blue sky,
    daubed with the paintbrush of creation
    and framed with the greenness of trees

    you need to work on your structure a liittle more my dear

    thank you


    | Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      hello!

    what i like most is the comparison you make between our attempts at art and God's - and how our creations, however great, can at best only be a mirror inspired by the beauty of the world. though it's through our own art that we can really comprehend its beauty.

    if you plan on editing this, here's what i'd alter. feel free to take or leave any of my suggestions - it's your write, not mine.


    Walking through a gallery
    of columbine and daffodil

    beneath the famed painting of the sky
    daubed with the paintbrush of creation
    and framed with the greenness of trees

    the commas feel unnecessary as they come at the end of lines and thus there's already a pause. i'd also perhaps swap "greenness" for something more descriptive, such as "fresh green". i also tweaked the first line break.


    with the bow of the wind
    on the strings of the leaves
    straining music to our ears

    we remember that the world itself is art.

    With our mortal mediums
    of actual paint
    and infinitesimal brush
    on palpable paper
    and human minds,
    we mimic the Creator,
    Who had no model from which to sculpt,
    turning out our masterpiece
    to the museums of men.

    more line break changes. "actual paint" - to me actual doesn't really fit with the otherwise poetic language, so i'd go for something such as "real". "infinitesimal brush" - infinitesimal feels too syllabal heavy and maybe you could go for a shorter word.

    Running and swimming
    and flying in the backyard,
    on the royal bed of grass
    beneath the blue dome of the sky
    and haloed by the warmth of the sun,

    what a world God made for us.

    a few more line breaks.

    and argh! i feel like a horribly pedantic english teacher - but i hope some of it helps.

    Adam.
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]



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