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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Space Odditydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 906



    Description:
       Dedicated to those who whine about my nonsensical verse. Bon apetit!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpace Odditydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear mysterian...

    thanks for decafing
    my vocab
    to the tune
    of a guttural groan.

    I thought that
    insufferable vignettes
    about love would dissolve
    my bones like sugar cubes.
    Who could have known
    the faint aftertaste
    of hollow verse
    sidling like snake on stone
    would boil easily as
    the stainless facia
    of a moonprobe;
    the tumbling sum
    of shattered landing gear
    near home.

    My love, if lives
    were sacrificed to poverty
    and mocking press
    to paint this mess in colors
    stolen from the stars;
    could we claim nebulous arrogance
    as if it were a sacramental right?

    And if all our privileged
    compositions breed illusion,
    could jewelled tabrets
    of the heavens soothe the night?




    Submitted on 2006-07-04 01:10:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Dacfing my vocab-- hehe that's kinda funny. Sounds like something Alia would say about your own self-censorship. (although my take is, better to censor yourself than leave it to others to do it for you.)

    The tumbling sum of shattered landing gear near home... That DOES sound like a mess, doesn't it?

    When I first read your phrase "sacramental right" I thought you had mistyped and meant to say "sacramental rite," but now I think right is right and it's right nice. Anyway, I like the lighthearted and gently sarcastic tone of your poem, that underlies a pretty darn reasonable question....

    And if all our priveleged
    compositions breed illusion,
    could jewelled tabrets
    of the heavens soothe the night?

    I'm thinking probably not, but maybe I'm just cynical.

    Annie

    By the way, what's a tabret?
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you meant 'defacing' in line 1, but other than that this is terrific. my favorite lines are 'could we claim nebulous arrogance/as if it were a sacramental right?'

    Nice work here!

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not a usual nonsensical verse whiner, but i think i'll start now. First of all, i think (emphasis on think) that this is a complaint about simplifying poetry, "dumbing it down." This poem basically creates a mood and a bunch of feelings, without any apparent meaning in the individual stanzas. The last two in particular i don't understand. Are you saying that our "compositions" of human kind are mirroring inadaquately the night sky? In any case, it's beautiful writing, even if your "nonsensical verse" is nonsensical, i love the imagesit conjures up, maybe it makes about as much sense as the feelings themselves.
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by Syrinx | [ Reply to This ]
      What would happen if the rocks were hollow and had no substance, or the universe was empty of stars and galaxies for that matter?

    I was watching the "Neverending Story II" last night. When Bastian begins his journey through "Fantasia", upon sailing the acid seas, he beholds the beauty of this magnificent palace but the performers outside seem pantomime in their expression, lacking passion.

    It seems like through a sense of desperation rather than inspiration we "perform" art or pluck stars from the universe to conjour poetry - is there meaning in something that shapes itself? I'm not the one to judge.

    As for this peice, its substance in apparent. By the way I like that word... mysterian.

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry.
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by shana | [ Reply to This ]
      Now we have sound bites coming from space-- are you an alien now Bill? And are we the confuzzled humans with our satellite receivers pointed in the wrong direction? It seems so...

    You know, I never thought of your poetry as nonsensical-- I find it open-ended and intuitive... and it's something that has to be read between the lines to understand.

    I pick up on the general tone and scan the writer's word choices to come to an overall conclusion with most poems. Whichever ones are stressed the most is what resonates the most with me.

    And tell me: was this a poke at love poems when you injected a semi-lovelike tone with the addition of "my love" at the start of your third strophe? Lol, tsk tsk.

    By the way, it should be "guttural" and "privileged"... yes, yes... no need to thank me lol.

    A biting piece Bill... I think you need to cook a nice meal for yourself and leave the protesters at McD's... if you get what I mean.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm..I've never read your work, so I havn't punished you for your nonsesical verse patterns..But anyways, moving on..I liked the ending the best..and by the way, in my opinion, if it matters, some rhymed poems suck. They just..don't have anything to them..Its just forced, and sometimes its not..Anyways, nice piece.

    Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      so basically it's about poetry (blandness seemingly smothering originality and being a poet a destination of sugarsoft rhymes rather than an endless journey through outer and inner space).

    but then poetry simply about poetry feels slightly too smug and self-centered, so it feels naturally, at least to me, to develop the idea further as an attack on how much of our culture, and the businesses that run it, raises souless mediocrity over realambition and passion etc.

    and then the doubts at the end, because however deep the poet plunges into their art there is no map or final destination, or anything but their own faith to let them know they're going the right way, doing the right thing.

    and they are my thoughts.

    and, of course, thanks for sharing!

    Adam.
    | Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW, I am still trying to think of an intelligent comment to make on this. I really enjoyed it and I have read it now about 3 times, each time picking a different part as my favorite but in truth I really love it as a whole. The part that reads
    I thought that
    insufferable vignettes
    about love would dissolve
    my bones like sugar cubes...made me giggle a little-I don't know if it was supposed to but it did. I also love the landing gear image.

    What is a tabret? I have to go look that up.
    I actually thought this was amazing and not nonsensical at all :).
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by laursal | [ Reply to This ]


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