Description: Dedicated to those who whine about my nonsensical verse. Bon apetit!
Space Oddity -------------------------------------------
thanks for decafing
to the tune
of a guttural groan.
I thought that
about love would dissolve
my bones like sugar cubes.
Who could have known
the faint aftertaste
of hollow verse
sidling like snake on stone
would boil easily as
the stainless facia
of a moonprobe;
the tumbling sum
of shattered landing gear
My love, if lives
were sacrificed to poverty
and mocking press
to paint this mess in colors
stolen from the stars;
could we claim nebulous arrogance
as if it were a sacramental right?
And if all our privileged
compositions breed illusion,
could jewelled tabrets
of the heavens soothe the night?
Dacfing my vocab-- hehe that's kinda funny. Sounds like something Alia would say about your own self-censorship. (although my take is, better to censor yourself than leave it to others to do it for you.)
The tumbling sum of shattered landing gear near home... That DOES sound like a mess, doesn't it?
When I first read your phrase "sacramental right" I thought you had mistyped and meant to say "sacramental rite," but now I think right is right and it's right nice. Anyway, I like the lighthearted and gently sarcastic tone of your poem, that underlies a pretty darn reasonable question....
And if all our priveleged compositions breed illusion, could jewelled tabrets of the heavens soothe the night?
I'm thinking probably not, but maybe I'm just cynical.
I am not a usual nonsensical verse whiner, but i think i'll start now. First of all, i think (emphasis on think) that this is a complaint about simplifying poetry, "dumbing it down." This poem basically creates a mood and a bunch of feelings, without any apparent meaning in the individual stanzas. The last two in particular i don't understand. Are you saying that our "compositions" of human kind are mirroring inadaquately the night sky? In any case, it's beautiful writing, even if your "nonsensical verse" is nonsensical, i love the imagesit conjures up, maybe it makes about as much sense as the feelings themselves.
What would happen if the rocks were hollow and had no substance, or the universe was empty of stars and galaxies for that matter?
I was watching the "Neverending Story II" last night. When Bastian begins his journey through "Fantasia", upon sailing the acid seas, he beholds the beauty of this magnificent palace but the performers outside seem pantomime in their expression, lacking passion.
It seems like through a sense of desperation rather than inspiration we "perform" art or pluck stars from the universe to conjour poetry - is there meaning in something that shapes itself? I'm not the one to judge.
As for this peice, its substance in apparent. By the way I like that word... mysterian.
Hm..I've never read your work, so I havn't punished you for your nonsesical verse patterns..But anyways, moving on..I liked the ending the best..and by the way, in my opinion, if it matters, some rhymed poems suck. They just..don't have anything to them..Its just forced, and sometimes its not..Anyways, nice piece.
so basically it's about poetry (blandness seemingly smothering originality and being a poet a destination of sugarsoft rhymes rather than an endless journey through outer and inner space).
but then poetry simply about poetry feels slightly too smug and self-centered, so it feels naturally, at least to me, to develop the idea further as an attack on how much of our culture, and the businesses that run it, raises souless mediocrity over realambition and passion etc.
and then the doubts at the end, because however deep the poet plunges into their art there is no map or final destination, or anything but their own faith to let them know they're going the right way, doing the right thing.
WOW, I am still trying to think of an intelligent comment to make on this. I really enjoyed it and I have read it now about 3 times, each time picking a different part as my favorite but in truth I really love it as a whole. The part that reads I thought that insufferable vignettes about love would dissolve my bones like sugar cubes...made me giggle a little-I don't know if it was supposed to but it did. I also love the landing gear image.
What is a tabret? I have to go look that up. I actually thought this was amazing and not nonsensical at all :).