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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ancient Winds-a Ghazaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: azure_warrior
    ASL Info:    42 /m/ in my mind.
    Elite Ratio:    5.43 - 44/43/32
    Words: 320
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1028
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2158



    Description:
       This poem incorporated a very vivid past life hypnotic regression I had.
    The rest is vivid daydreaming...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAncient Winds-a Ghazaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I. To The 125th PA Infantry.

    What if our green hill turns to hours?
    Looking up at Southern skies forever?

    What if the war doesn't end with embers?
    If our ashes never peacefully form a rainbow?

    The warring guns of Autumns macho color-fire
    spent to kill lives at will. Innocense bloodied inside.

    Grisly gray, moon ruled over, prayed over
    Fields of valor. Changes swift and monstrous.

    Winter.
    Valor is ceaseless, yet defunct.

    We felt compelled. We were led
    down a narrow, bloodied Antietam Road.

    Moving backward. Drums quieted. Lives scattered
    here there. Thrown wasted away...

    But even in 1000 years remembrance,
    in the bloody recesses, the war never ceases.

    II. Vicious Rumors and Scandal.

    Your words have spelled trouble
    in certain parts of town,

    you know,
    so the tightrope I was balancing on

    so sweetly, sways.
    Pray.

    I believe you won't.
    Why? Why You.

    I look at your attention seeking word-dropping creelties,
    and hope that death will be kinder than you.

    III. Narcississitic Rant.

    Why. Why am I always the expendible one?
    Why? Why?

    Emily Dickenson heard the bird stomp,
    and cared, at least more than the sun.

    At least more than the sun.
    At least more than the sun.

    We are all the center of the universe.
    From our own perspective.

    God never meant for any of his creatures
    to be unimportant.

    IV. Dervish Life

    Once in India,
    in the purest of dreams,

    I lived in a cave
    as a hermit or dervish.

    I didn't eat or talk,
    but yet felt more alive

    I can't say how or why.
    I now stand on a worn,

    fraying tightrope
    winds whipping like razors.

    I will learn to be UNSWAYED!




    Submitted on 2006-07-04 02:08:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I need to say it again--wow. My sir, this is some of the finest poetry I've read since I joined ES. Absolutely splendid! I'm failing to see a coherent connection between these four pieces though. Each one seemed so seperate. Well, actually, I take that back. Numbers 2 and 4 contain some of the same elements. Really, to me, this could be broken up into three seperate poems. However, I'm sure this is all wonderfully tied together and I'm just totally missing it! hah! I wouldn't be surprised at all. As I said before though, this is a beautiful write.

    I love the repitition of the "why?" in the third section. It really assisted in expressing the lack of understanding the character had. At any rate, though I may not see the connections throughout, I still enjoyed this a lot.

    Justin :)

    PS - Shoot! I just read what kind of comments you wanted... writing advice... gee this comment is really helpful... hmm...

    Oh! I did notice one thing.

    In the first section, the first lines of stanzas 2 and 3 both end in fire. That just seemed a little distracting to me, the repitition as end notes in such close proximity.
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks! Although I'm not sure that my writing lived up to that. I did try changing the word "fire" to "embers." I do like it better that way. Thanks for your idea!
    These particular poems are intended to be a (very) loose version of the Ghazal form-hence the "mysterious" or "mystic" connections, sometimes beyond understanding...
    -az
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by azure_warrior | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty cool! You could do a whole series like this, maybe expand each section into its own poem - there's certainly enough material here. have you submitted your work anywhere for publication? you should.

    peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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