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    dots Submission Name: Sunshine on your shouldersdots

    Author: mimi
    ASL Info:    30/f/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597/390/111
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 891


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunshine on your shouldersdots

    Sunshine on my shoulders
    Burdens in the field
    Clouds carry worries away
    Or entertain us with shapes
    of elephants.
    And rocking chairs?
    They take you to paradise.
    Kisses french ones, soft, gentle ones
    and of course chocolate ones
    are the band aides
    to heal each wound we get.
    Gas is once again
    1 dollar and 50 cents.
    For super and premium.
    Kids sell lemonades
    on hot summer afternoons
    for neighbors.
    Snow days
    still mean days off to play
    There is joy in every corner.
    and in every reflection on a lake.
    When we vote,
    it matters
    even when we abstain
    from Dick and Bush
    The sun shines on your shoulders
    and burdens lay in the field.

    Submitted on 2006-07-05 14:34:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this one.
    much much better than the last one i commented on :Yes, no maybe so.
    very good and very delicate and well written
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by tiffaroox3 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I had to look up burden, not because I don't know what it means but because I Wanted to see if it means more than I thought... like a hay stack or something. Burden has so many negative connotations and the poem seems to be about much more pleasant things. Burden clashes with the poem in that sense.
    The part about abstaining from Dick and Bush seems a bit heavy handed here as well and comes out of no where in context. I would have liked to see some build up to it rather than finding an obvious political slogan stuck in the middle of a pastoral poem.
    After reading the poem a second time, I liked the double spacing and how it slowed the rhythm of the poem down.
    | Posted on 2006-08-05 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very good. At frist it seem you got off to a slow start, but you seem to pick up the pace and move smoothly in making your point. The heat or wear of our two men that weigh on us like a anchor never escapes us. You woven in just life goese on as these two screw us over with gas prices. Good work!

    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice piece of work! I really like the message in here. I wish we could go back to when things were simpler. This was very peaceful and made it easy to go back and reminisce about these things. Around here people can't even sell lemonade anymore. There was someone with a cart that was trying to make a living and got mugged doing it. It's really sad. But anyway, back to the piece here...This was very thoughtful and I love the idea of just leaving the burdens somewhere out there and just taking a nice deep breath of life. Great job!

    | Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a soft and gentle way of reaching a lot of universal and personal ideas, I am really feeling this one. The flow is perfect to me, and suits my style.. Thank You for this one, I think I'll add it as a fav. when I figure out how to do that.. one love, shalini
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by sbridges | [ Reply to This ]

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