Sunshine on your shoulders -------------------------------------------
Sunshine on my shoulders
Burdens in the field
Clouds carry worries away
Or entertain us with shapes
of elephants.
And rocking chairs?
They take you to paradise.
Kisses french ones, soft, gentle ones
and of course chocolate ones
are the band aides
to heal each wound we get.
Gas is once again
1 dollar and 50 cents.
For super and premium.
Kids sell lemonades
on hot summer afternoons
for neighbors.
Snow days
still mean days off to play
There is joy in every corner.
and in every reflection on a lake.
When we vote,
it matters
even when we abstain
from Dick and Bush
The sun shines on your shoulders
and burdens lay in the field.
Well, I had to look up burden, not because I don't know what it means but because I Wanted to see if it means more than I thought... like a hay stack or something. Burden has so many negative connotations and the poem seems to be about much more pleasant things. Burden clashes with the poem in that sense. The part about abstaining from Dick and Bush seems a bit heavy handed here as well and comes out of no where in context. I would have liked to see some build up to it rather than finding an obvious political slogan stuck in the middle of a pastoral poem. After reading the poem a second time, I liked the double spacing and how it slowed the rhythm of the poem down.
This was very good. At frist it seem you got off to a slow start, but you seem to pick up the pace and move smoothly in making your point. The heat or wear of our two men that weigh on us like a anchor never escapes us. You woven in just life goese on as these two screw us over with gas prices. Good work!
Very nice piece of work! I really like the message in here. I wish we could go back to when things were simpler. This was very peaceful and made it easy to go back and reminisce about these things. Around here people can't even sell lemonade anymore. There was someone with a cart that was trying to make a living and got mugged doing it. It's really sad. But anyway, back to the piece here...This was very thoughtful and I love the idea of just leaving the burdens somewhere out there and just taking a nice deep breath of life. Great job!
This is a soft and gentle way of reaching a lot of universal and personal ideas, I am really feeling this one. The flow is perfect to me, and suits my style.. Thank You for this one, I think I'll add it as a fav. when I figure out how to do that.. one love, shalini
Submission Name: Sunshine on your shoulders
