The River Cries No More by Swanne

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Submission Name: The River Cries No More dots

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Author:	Swanne
Elite Ratio:	4.31 - 258/206/43
Words:	85

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	194
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	568

Description:

The River Cries No More dots

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These trees fall on their knees for you
Systematically, they are devoured
And we grin
And pick our teeth with their bones

Can you hear them?
Butterflies the color of fire
They are screaming
Tears drip from iridescent eyes
I imagine they taste like nectar

There are eyes that live in the river
They weep no more salt
The waves,
they plot like politicians
To swallow us whole.

Do you blame them?

Can you hear them whisper?

Submitted on 2006-07-05 16:50:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I like this a lot, intense imagery here that speaks to me. I expecially the lines 'Tears drip from iridescent eyes/I imagine they taste like nectar.' Wonderful stuff. I do think you repeat 'they' too much and I would try to eliminate that. Nothing else I'd change. Terrific!

Peace,

Joe
| Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm...so "all over the place" for such a short write. Your words touched on a lot of different aspects here and in many a different way. They soothed and comforted and at the same time shunned and persecuted. Well, at least thats what I got out of it. I liked the butterfly part mainly because a friend of mine just asked me to draw a bad arse "fiery" type butterfly thingy for her new tattoo...so, yeah...dont damn me for liking this one for that sentimental reason...hee-hee!

I think you did misspell irridescent. Correct me if I am wrong.

And I liked that part about the politicians. How can WE blame them? WE are the ones that put them into their positions, ya know? But...WE still feel WE can point out their faults...what a crock. Jokes on us.

| Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  well living in oregon I have fallen some trees before.
So my first guess is you are referring to TIMBER off the bat in stanza 1.

Now 2 thew me unless and sometimes it happens chain saws do spark but always scream. if not that then bullets with tracers.
The tears has me thrown they can only taste sweet if it comes from something sweet or it's one that feeds off of others tears.
I would like to know if the eyes in the river, are the same eyes that drop iridescent tears?/hmm lol .

Weeping no more salt could mean death. I could certainly see how politicians play into that especially along with war like butterflies. Over all I believe I am thrown off my horse on this one however I do have my oponion. I think perhapes a little more detail within the connections. Then again maybe not. I did get a good visual on stanza 1 especially comming living in Oregon. I have seen Sign pickters (save the trees) and yet use paper just like everone else. I do agree, Measures had to be taken they seem to now do a good job on forest management and replanting.
Over all I enjoyed your piece here. Even though a bit befuddled I will not grade it as of yet I think a bit more connectioin and then it will all come together but not to much lol PM me and let me know how close I was. Oh also feel free to bash Creavis of rock I know there is something missing I even pulled it at one time. Then totally changed soem words around yet conveyed the same meaning. Ok Swanne as always hope to here from you. and again Thank you

Sincerely Gannondalf aka Big Bear
| Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  Quite intense this is. I was drawn in by your imagery. Very vivd and colorful. I also liked the way you were giving a sense of warning. The only thing is I could not tell what you warning about and why the river creid no more. Great wording, but a bit vague to make a deep imact on me the reader my dear. Maybe, I'm just a little dense, so don't listen to me. lol. Overall, very good, just need a touch of clarity.

Catrina
| Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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