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She can't do it


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 169
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1303
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1093



Description:


I've never tried to kill myself. This is just about the feeling of wanting to get away, but not wanting to give up just yet...


She can't do it



She is crying
and she grabs the knife
she's such a mess
because of her pathetic life

But she can't do it
and she puts the knife down
she curls up in a ball
and lays down on the ground

She grabs the poison
and brings it to her lips
she's deep in denial
sinking like a ship

But she can't do it
she puts the poison down
tears crawl down her face
leaving her with a frown

she grabs the match
pours gasoline on the ground
she walks around feeling dizzy
her heart begins to pound

But she can't do it
too many second thoughts
part of her wants to do it
and part of her does not

She grabs the glass
and brings it to her skin
she looks away
waiting for the pain to begin

But she can't do it
she can't end her life
and she is confused
but deep down, she's knows why






Submitted on 2006-07-06 00:01:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  just me again. reading it yet again. still really liking it. how did you get the inspiration for this?
| Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by sailorliones | [ Reply to This ]
  I was reading it again just for heck, and I really do like the core of what you're saying, but as I look upon it again, I think it may need some refinishing... Sucha s the lines are uneven, throwing the balance off. If you have it rhythmically better, I would probably like it even more.
| Posted on 2006-07-21 00:00:00 | by sailorliones | [ Reply to This ]
  hope you don't mind if i place it as a favorite of mine
| Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by sailorliones | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good
The only thing I would say in construction is I feel you used the word and to many times if you allow me maybe try writing a line like this

She grabs the poison
Starting to drink
Thinking about all her lies
And so many other things
It is just my opinion and I would never tell someone how to write I just feel it flows a little better without the excess ands
I hope you are feeling better today
Please remain Positive
Trust me
There is a light at the end of the tunnel
The Light has to come to you You cant go looking for it
God Bless
Your Friend
Ron
| Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  dude...
i loved it
my theory is that there are two kinds of people who cut: those that do it in a moment of passion, and others that don't want to do it, but are driven to it slowly and slowly, and thus are forced to do it in order to get rid of the pain
you made it more light hearted, but that's not a bad description of how the second type feels
i know i couldn't have done better than that
because the second type doesn't want to do it, and it takes a while, but slowly and slowly, it starts showing
that is a very accurate description... VERY nice
you made it a bit light hearted, but i don't think i would have cared to read it all serious
| Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by sailorliones | [ Reply to This ]


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