simplicity often makes for the most effective pieces and here is a perfect example. I love the eyes like windows metaphor, since one's eyes are the mirrors to the soul and in this poem, the speaker lets us know that the shards of glass from that broken window have indeed cut deeply....
Very good piece, you made an excellent allegory in the first four lines, in the first two lines you mad a clear simile, in my own opinion it would be better if you made a metaphor (Not a simile). Any thing else is very good and the idea is really good. Good luck
This is a very short but deep poem, I tell alot of people this that living life is like driving a car sometimes we don't realize that the car of our words can really hurt or break someone emotionally. Although I would have liked to have read more this was a really nice poem and I hope you could read and comment my work:)
my word ladybug, this is powerful.. your minimalist style strikes yet again. words do hit like rocks. the heart has no cushion. the visual of the broken windows by malicious boys is brilliant. really, this is a fave.
I like the way that visually the poem looks very simple yet when you read the words they mean so much more. I liked the idea of the comparison between 'malicious boys throwing rocks' and pain caused by your own words. Very original I enjoyed it. The only thing I wasn't too sure about was the neglect of capitals but I am assuming there was a reason for that. ~Sunset
amy, i love, love, LOVE how simple this poem is, and that it's not drenched with words and all these hidden meanings and it's just simply heart-breaking! The flow was a little choppy, but it was so short and sweet that it really isn't that big of a deal because I recovered very quickly from being a bit lost. But overall, very very nice! thanks for your comment on my piece!! have a great day!
I like this because it really talks about what words can do to someone. You use the comparison between crying eyes looking like broken windows but the real comparison is the one between the eyes and your words. I got that this piece was about that. His eyes looked like those windows because of the words you said. And you were glad his eyes looked like and hoped is heart resembled the same brokenness. :) Great job! :) More Hugs!! --blt
Sticks and stones---and yes words can do more damage than those stones or rocks. I have always loved your minimalistic style, and this one is no exception.
Here the eyes as windows is given a fresh turn (we don't usually think of broken eyes---)--and the usually cliché "broken heart" is made sweetly poignant by the imagery that precedes it. Hearts shatter like fragile glass , and windows broken leave a jagged hole that appears dark compared to the reflective rest of the pane. Often when people are hurt or troubled, that light in their eyes smply goes out, and is replaced by a dark and deep void like the hole I see here. A haunting image that makes the sadness palpable here.
As usual, your short observations give cause for longer thought. linger longer
powerful imagery and a whole story could be imagined by just these few line that explain so much with out actually saying anything...this was very interresting as i read it 3 times over and could feel what you were expressing to me!