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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like Broken Windowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 23
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1600
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 164



    Description:
       I figured I'd submit something since I seem to be neglecting that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike Broken Windowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your crying eyes
    looked like windows
    broken by malicious boys
    throwing rocks.
    I know
    my words
    did the same to your heart.




    Submitted on 2006-07-07 01:15:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      death and life are in the tongue, yes?

    Blake reminded us to look "not with but through the eye" where the imagination resides. i believe you were playing on the phrase the eye is the window to the soul and that just adds a wealth of dept.

    i love when a writer uses reference to fill in the gaps. ive done that many times in my earlier writes and i appreciate it in others...

    this short piece packs the proverbial punch. its subtle, verismo, and in its own way, passionate. the way the speaker takes responsibility at the end of the piece is outstanding.

    what else can i say that hasnt already been said? heres my two pence.

    happy new year!


    ciao
    JP
    | Posted on 2012-01-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      simplicity often makes for the most effective pieces and here is a perfect example. I love the eyes like windows metaphor, since one's eyes are the mirrors to the soul and in this poem, the speaker lets us know that the shards of glass from that broken window have indeed cut deeply....

    excellent write.
    | Posted on 2011-06-02 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, what everybody else said.

    nice twist on an old theme...

    the wording is excellent..."windows broken by malicious boys"

    "my words did the same to your heart"
    the speaker admitting she has hurt someone...

    admitting she threw the stones...

    there is remorse...and understanding in this piece..

    and such concise wording...you didn't waste a single one here..

    rock on!--oops. bad pun.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good piece, you made an excellent allegory in the first four lines, in the first two lines you mad a clear simile, in my own opinion it would be better if you made a metaphor (Not a simile). Any thing else is very good and the idea is really good.
    Good luck

    Medhat
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very short but deep poem, I tell alot of people this that living life is like driving a car sometimes we don't realize that the car of our words can really hurt or break someone emotionally. Although I would have liked to have read more this was a really nice poem and I hope you could read and comment my work:)

    much LOVE
    James
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      that was poignant! As usual hardly any words but so powerful a write. It pulled on a heart string there !

    Hope all is well in Amy land

    Kate
    xxx
    | Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      my word ladybug, this is powerful.. your minimalist style strikes yet again. words do hit like rocks. the heart has no cushion.
    the visual of the broken windows by malicious boys is brilliant. really, this is a fave.

    love always,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way that visually the poem looks very simple yet when you read the words they mean so much more. I liked the idea of the comparison between 'malicious boys throwing rocks' and pain caused by your own words. Very original I enjoyed it. The only thing I wasn't too sure about was the neglect of capitals but I am assuming there was a reason for that. ~Sunset
    | Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...I've been on the reciprocal side of this poem before

    So I guess that allows me to relate to this lol

    I've been neglecting my own submissions of late, as well...nice to hear from you again...

    Take care,

    ~B~
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      amy,
    i love, love, LOVE how simple this poem is, and that it's not drenched with words and all these hidden meanings and it's just simply heart-breaking! The flow was a little choppy, but it was so short and sweet that it really isn't that big of a deal because I recovered very quickly from being a bit lost. But overall, very very nice!
    thanks for your comment on my piece!! have a great day!
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by themonalisa | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this because it really talks about what words can do to someone. You use the comparison between crying eyes looking like broken windows but the real comparison is the one between the eyes and your words. I got that this piece was about that. His eyes looked like those windows because of the words you said. And you were glad his eyes looked like and hoped is heart resembled the same brokenness. :) Great job! :)
    More Hugs!!
    --blt

    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Tongues should be registered as a legal weapon.

    Though brief, this definitely gets your message across.
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by junemarie | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and sweet. I like these words. There not about a sweet thing but more about a broken heart. I like the way you wrote this poem!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      What can I say, Amy the rascally youth have formed the crux of this disaster hands down. Nothing more can be said, because the analogy is perfect.

    I wouldn't change a word..thanks for sharing,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Sticks and stones---and yes words can do more damage than those stones or rocks. I have always loved your minimalistic style, and this one is no exception.

    Here the eyes as windows is given a fresh turn (we don't usually think of broken eyes---)--and the usually cliché "broken heart" is made sweetly poignant by the imagery that precedes it. Hearts shatter like fragile glass , and windows broken leave a jagged hole that appears dark compared to the reflective rest of the pane. Often when people are hurt or troubled, that light in their eyes smply goes out, and is replaced by a dark and deep void like the hole I see here. A haunting image that makes the sadness palpable here.

    As usual, your short observations give cause for longer thought.
    linger longer

    Take care
    Sally
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      powerful imagery and a whole story could be imagined by just these few line that explain so much with out actually saying anything...this was very interresting as i read it 3 times over and could feel what you were expressing to me!

    thanks for sharing!

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]


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