The rain and fire -------------------------------------------
This girl is rain.
She stands by the river
on broken sand and grass
slipping beads into the cascades.
Black.
White.
Blue.
Red.
Dreams are made of these colours.
Flags are drawn in these colours.
These colours
are dropping into the water
one
by
one.
Like rain.
This boy is fire.
He sits on the mountain
whittling.
And as he carves the wood
into something
new,
he sings.
But only in the evening,
when his song will rise
and fall
and dance in the wind.
Spreading through the forest.
Like fire.
And if you should dare to bring them together,
it shall
rain
fire.
I like the way this poem was written, when you look at where you indented and started new thoughts, it makes me think of rain falling. I don't know if you did this intentionally or not but I find that just adds more to the piece.
The ending is brilliant, but I felt something was missing in the beginning when you describe the rain. Overall this is a good write, but I would do some things differently. I like also the way there can be more than one meaning.
This is really good I liked the way you put this together Symbolizing life as fire and rain fits perfectly I really liked the last stanza That added a whole new feeling to my mind from this write Great Job God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
Submission Name: The rain and fire
