Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The rain and firedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Anarius
    ASL Info:    24/m/somewhere in Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 631/678/168
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1245
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 837



    Description:
       expirementing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe rain and firedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This girl is rain.
    She stands by the river
    on broken sand and grass
    slipping beads into the cascades.
    Black.
    White.
    Blue.
    Red.
    Dreams are made of these colours.
    Flags are drawn in these colours.
    These colours
    are dropping into the water
    one
    by
    one.
    Like rain.

    This boy is fire.
    He sits on the mountain
    whittling.
    And as he carves the wood
    into something
    new,
    he sings.
    But only in the evening,
    when his song will rise
    and fall
    and dance in the wind.
    Spreading through the forest.
    Like fire.

    And if you should dare to bring them together,
    it shall
    rain
    fire.




    Submitted on 2006-07-07 10:49:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way this poem was written, when you look at where you indented and started new thoughts, it makes me think of rain falling. I don't know if you did this intentionally or not but I find that just adds more to the piece.

    The ending is brilliant, but I felt something was missing in the beginning when you describe the rain.
    Overall this is a good write, but I would do some things differently. I like also the way there can be more than one meaning.
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by Pursuitoflife | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good
    I liked the way you put this together
    Symbolizing life as fire and rain fits perfectly
    I really liked the last stanza
    That added a whole new feeling to my mind from this write
    Great Job
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    109698

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry