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    dots Submission Name: The rain and firedots

    Author: Anarius
    ASL Info:    24/m/somewhere in Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 631/678/168
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1245
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 837


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    dotsThe rain and firedots

    This girl is rain.
    She stands by the river
    on broken sand and grass
    slipping beads into the cascades.
    Dreams are made of these colours.
    Flags are drawn in these colours.
    These colours
    are dropping into the water
    Like rain.

    This boy is fire.
    He sits on the mountain
    And as he carves the wood
    into something
    he sings.
    But only in the evening,
    when his song will rise
    and fall
    and dance in the wind.
    Spreading through the forest.
    Like fire.

    And if you should dare to bring them together,
    it shall

    Submitted on 2006-07-07 10:49:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way this poem was written, when you look at where you indented and started new thoughts, it makes me think of rain falling. I don't know if you did this intentionally or not but I find that just adds more to the piece.

    The ending is brilliant, but I felt something was missing in the beginning when you describe the rain.
    Overall this is a good write, but I would do some things differently. I like also the way there can be more than one meaning.
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by Pursuitoflife | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good
    I liked the way you put this together
    Symbolizing life as fire and rain fits perfectly
    I really liked the last stanza
    That added a whole new feeling to my mind from this write
    Great Job
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-07-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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