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    dots Submission Name: A Kaleidoscope Lifedots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1289
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 199


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    dotsA Kaleidoscope Lifedots

    A kaleidoscope life:
    uneven and even unfair

    broken pieces shifting
    mixed in reflection,

    every turn a new beauty
    when pointed to the light.

    Submitted on 2006-07-08 14:46:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      A kaleidoscope life:
    uneven and even unfair

    broken pieces shifting
    mixed in reflection,

    every turn a new beauty
    when pointed to the light.

    This is packed Chrystine and I'm glad to have found it today.
    It is clever how you have changed the tense in the second couplet because it becomes the "I" and one is who looking through the viewer. It pulls more meanings this way, doesn't it?

    Reminds me of a portrait by Picasso, I'd rather have lumps in my mashed potatoes than risk eating the flakey stuff!

    Thanks for a fun visit, and doggie bag of advice!

    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Surely everyone has looked through a kaleidoscope sometime in their life... this is a simple peice everyone should be able to relate to.

    Every turn a new beauty
    when pointed to the light

    I like that.

    I'm sure your point was to keep it simple, but I could do with some more... something.

    mixed in reflection could lead in to something...

    Yeah, I'm vague, sorry. Overall I like the poem.
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this. This is really beautiful, and wow, I loved the final stanza the most, because it is so true, and wow. The Gods bless you for this light on the truth. Wow, this is so true. Tsk...I love this, and all I can say is how good it is. Congratulations once again, Chrystine, you are truly wise, and blessed.
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice little poem here. I love the metaphor. Only change I'd make would be to drop 'A' from the title. Other than that, wonderful work!


    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the metaphor running through this poem, as I think it is very original. The second line is by far my favourite, I love the word play on the word even, very clever. However I would like to see some more definate imagery in here. I think its a great start and amazing potential but it doesn't seemed quite finished. Not that it needs to be longer (as I like short poems lol), I just think you need to develop it more. Anyway very nice poem,

    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by xdollpartsx | [ Reply to This ]
      This one I really like Chrystine
    This write can have so many different meanings to people
    But to me it expresses great truth that The Lord is the light of the world
    Without him there would be no happiness
    He is everything
    He is the Savior Of The World
    Great Job with this one again Chrystine
    I am making this a Favorite
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I reallt liked this piece..It sspoke to me i look forward to reading more .
    ~ Love Ashley
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by OscuraAmor | [ Reply to This ]
      simple yet powerful.
    "uneven and even unfair"
    i love the way you used these words together.

    i love kaleidescopes. i could get lost looking in one
    for days, you'd have to come and find me..

    great metaphor for life, with the broken pieces
    but always with the light.. life needs light.

    wonderful piece, Chrystine.
    i love the simplicity.

    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      The true beauty of this work is that it tells an entire story in 6 lines. I love that.
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by wondereric | [ Reply to This ]

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