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What a wreched man I am
What a wreched fool I've become
How unclean are my hands
How I hate my wicked flesh
It feel like it"s all that I have left
The things I hate
They stalk me all night long
They push me to do wrong
I can't run and I can't hide
My only refuge is your side
There are nights my feet feel numb
I'm surrounded I don't think I can I can run
I feel so trapt inside
Where all my evilness abides
Who really hears my cry but you
Be my....Be mine
| This piece threw me for a loop for some reason. I'm not even sure why. I'm kind of a dork. That's probably the main reason.|
But, I liked the end, the use of Father Savior, ect. It kinda just set the whole mood for me perosnally.
Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!
|| Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ] || Very Good Job Indeed|
I Loved the sentiment expresed and the desire to find a true Friend in God
All people have to do is ask God into their Heart and trust me life becomes anew
I know this as fact because I was an outsider who was a drug addict and filled with incredible negativity
It wasnt until I asked God into my Heart one year ago that I finally found my self at peace
I have been sober and clean living ever since that Day
Gods Love truly does save ALL
I am making this a favorite
I would also like to Welcome you to Elite Skills
I hope this site brings you all the Joy it has brought to me
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
|| Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] || I love the first verse. The first too lines are very strong and my favourite part, the repition works well. The last line of the first verse also works very well "It feel like it"s all that I have left".|
The bit I don't like about these lyrics is the chorus. Th rest of the poem feels original yet the chorus seems very cliché. I think its the sudden structured rhyning in the chorus compared to the verse. However to music this could sound very different and might work well. I still think you could improve the chorus though.
The second verse is very good again (buit I prefer the first) and I like the ending
Be my....Be mine"
Welcome to elite skills, I look forward to seeing more of your stuff becuase I think this is a very original piece!
|| Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by xdollpartsx | [ Reply to This ] || This piece here is very interesting and different, All one needs is faith and to ask and The Father above has said If you ask ye shall recieve. I liked the style of this write but to me it seems like maybe there was more you wanted to say and didn't. I did enjoy it though and what you have written is very well expressed.|
|| Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ] |