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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Truth In a Traildots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wallya20
    ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 113/68/26
    Words: 430
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1153
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2523



    Description:
       


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    dotsTruth In a Traildots
    -------------------------------------------


    Would you mind just sitting here for a couple of minutes?
    I know this isnít appropriate...with me having someone
    Thatís cute your feet donít touch the floor when you sit back
    You know growing up I never really thought about my own life
    And the intricate details including the never-ending questions
    I suppress a lot of my feelings because I do hurt a lot
    Being a sensitive person I get taken advantage of
    Been beaten up emotionally...I know you think I'm this tough guy
    But I use that image to mask my imperfections
    Words can hurt especially after you have been thrown aside
    Just forgotten about, left alone when you really need someone there
    Called a disappointment through every phase of my life
    Yes sometimes I did slack off and didnít try my best
    But even when I would the only words to reach me were
    You could have done better
    I feel like if I shed one more tear that would be the end
    Its one thing to be broken hearted by someone who speaks of undeniable love
    But itís another when your own parents think you aren't worth it
    "Iím proud of you" wish I could have heard those words once
    Yes I am a person that needs reassurance
    If I heard that now though I donít and if it would mean a thing
    See even now I'm weak crying in front of you
    ......
    My turn sweetie she said to me lifting my head gently
    Kissing me where the tears rolled off my cheeks
    You are strong because you can show emotion and mean them
    You don't take the image of other men ...you are you
    No matter what promise me you keep that side of yourself
    Everyone loses sight of the good in someone after they see one mistake
    But you see things differently in this world you notice beauty in it all
    A girlfriend that is never there for you yet you speak of her as if she were priceless
    Parents who never notice you try
    I want to be there when I can but I have someone and you know it
    ......
    Don't let your feet touch the ground
    Please can we have this moment last for one more lifetime?
    ....the words that define the future of any relationship were leaving my lips
    And she noticed it
    As I was saying I Lo...her feet hit the ground and a trail of tears followed
    I spent that night walking on that trail
    Until she and I were both lost




    Submitted on 2006-07-09 19:14:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey bubz, this was real deep, i feel like i kno u a little better by reading this, this is obviously v. personal to you, i liked it the emotion was raw,
    keep em cummin
    kyrenia
    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      Your pieces are always so honest, and just...real. Not some made up, no feeling nothing, its just...You. Which makes it great..lemme tell you, this piece was..AMAZING..Reminds me of a couple things/situations that i've been through..Emotional guys are so much better than guys who just hide and lock everything away..You don't have to hide, crying it fine..feeling is okay..Bleh, anyways..I truly did love this piece..Keep up the great work hun!!

    Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      ok hun, my apologies about last night...it's kinda a long story but to shorten it nana wanted 2 c a movie, I agreed 2 go but didn't know it'd be that long and she said by the time we got home I'd have 2go to bed right away, was pissed off told her I didn't want 2c it anymore cuz I promised I'd finish ur comment, she came home right then b4 we saw it and made us go 2 bed earlier then we would have anyway. OK so your write..I'm really really glad you asked me to read this because I thought it was awesome, but I'm not sure if I read it as it was intended to be read, where you had the perceptions of two different people, I imagined that the girl wasn't another person, but just another point of view, kinda like an alter-ego I guess. anyway I guess I'll start with the first POV, I really can't say which part I liked 'best' because they all had different points, the first part had the most relatable emotion for me because i find it easier to relate to doubt, regret, sorrow, and just being hurt in general and you had a lot of different emotions strung together perfectly but I'm almost sorry that you were able to put them together so well, even the best writers I know can't find the right way to mix something they don't feel, so yeah, you raise a lot of good points and questions...I guess I personally can't say my parents were ever really disappointed in me, because quite literally, they were never there, but I think that I'd rather they were around and I was just never good enough for them then have them never giving me the chance to be good enough, but at the same time I know what you're saying, your [or your character's] parent's never gave you that chance either, they were there but they disapproved all along before you even finished what you were doing or got the chance to explain why it meant something to you. kinda reminds me of 'perfect' by simple plan. ((and yea, very weak i know but I've been listening to them again, I do that when I get depressed enough,...another kinda long story, won't bore you with the details)) and you're totally right, there's only so much a person can take of other people putting them down before they start to question if they deserve praise from anyone. you had a lot of good lines in this one....
    "You know growing up I never really thought about my own life"
    this was a perfect line for me because I realize I've done the same thing, and it bothers the hell out of me, i make it a point to try and help other people so I won't think about my own problems....and realize how many of them I have...it's a real downer though, noticing how much you don't know about yourself...how much of you is really you. [if that makes any sense, I know what I mean, lol]
    "I suppress a lot of my feelings because I do hurt a lot"
    yea, sometimes if you suppress something long enough you can forget about it for a little but the long term effects of that really hurt more then if you would have just dealt with the problem or feeling head on, or even just talked with someone about it.
    "Been beaten up emotionally...I know you think I'm this tough guy
    But I use that image to mask my imperfections"
    yea, it's easier to put on your 'favorite mask' so you feel like at least everyone else believes it...it makes it easier for you not to think about it, or so it would seem, but then later you realize that the 'mask' made it worse, that not only did everyone else think you were happy and you were fine, but you couldn't make yourself believe that, and trying made the feeling worse.
    "Just forgotten about, left alone when you really need someone there"
    another line I think myself, and a lot of people can relate to, it's good to have someone there when you ask for help....but sometimes it'd feel amazing to have someone want to help when you don't ask for it...or even when you don't need help but someone took the time to ask how you were, to give you a few of their thoughts, to include you in a few of those thoughts.
    "But itís another when your own parents think you aren't worth it
    "Iím proud of you" wish I could have heard those words once"
    yea, it hurts when you think someone [as in parents and family] should love you, and should care about you and it just doesn't seem like you will ever be good enough for them, like they wish you were someone else even when you try your best...even when you do something right.
    "Yes I am a person that needs reassurance"
    you mention that in this write as if it's something to be ashamed of, yeah it does hurt to need that extra reassurance from someone but I think everyone does, some people just aren't strong enough to admit it, and even if a person doesn't need it, it's always nice to know someone appriciates you, or thinks highly of you.
    "Everyone loses sight of the good in someone after they see one mistake"
    that's probably the most true quote I've heard in a hell of a long time, it's so much easier to see the bad in people when they give you one reason to, but at the same time I think I have the opposite problem, I try to be forgiving ...but where do you draw the line? where do you draw the line between you being forgiving, and you being taken advantage of?
    "I spent that night walking on that trail
    Until she and I were both lost"
    the first thing I thought of when I read this line was that they were both just in silence trying to figure out what to do, what they wanted and if they could have it.
    there were a lot of other good lines that I could have mentioned but this is probably hella long already lol, but I did want you to know, [I know ya don't feel the same] but I still love you, a lot, I dunno if I'll ever stop, but yeah, I'm sorry you've got some things you need to sort out and it's kinda stressing you out, at some point or another you'll have it figured out
    take care,
    ~jess





    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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