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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dramadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 544



    Description:
       *Warning* This is another cheesy love poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDramadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting in the crowded theater
    your face blazes with color:
    butterfly wings of blue, red, and green
    flutter across your forehead and cheeks;
    Fireflies of yellow scurry across your nose.
    From the eyes staring intently at the film,
    we know the movie is something,
    but we'd rather look at each other and smile,
    hold hands and exchange an occasional peck,
    and I rarely glance at the screen,
    for your dark eyes with their black lashes
    are enough drama for me.




    Submitted on 2004-05-16 03:35:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You are more fascinated with your companion than the movie, and get that across rather well--the technicolor imagery is beautiful. I think it starts off well, but starts to weaken with "cheers and squeals" (sounds more like action than drama)

    "We know this movie is something
    But we'd rather look at each other and smile
    Hold hands and exchange an occasional peck
    And I never even glance at the screen"

    These four lines are the weak ones I felt--almost like you added them to strengthen the point you were so beautifully creating. Perhaps it is the We's and I's --or the "And I never even glance at the screen"---somehow, unlike most of your poetry, this sections seems a bit contrived.What you are trying to say is that you barely notice the screen, so aware are you of the man beside you--and the feelings of love between you. Something like--
    "Holding hands,in rapt attention,
    the four star drama unfolding on the screen
    seems remote and pale, an imitation
    of the passion welling within.
    For your dark eyes with their black lashes
    Are drama enough for me"---?? perhaps?

    I just feel that those 5 lines (from the cheers and squeals) don't fit well between the wonderful introduction, and the tender sweet passion of the last two lines. (Note the juxtapostioning of drama and enough--just another suggestion) Take this wonderful beginning--and make it follow through. I really liked the duality of the situation as the subject. Silver
    | Posted on 2004-06-04 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      reminds me of when i was a kid you know long ago when i used to sneek to the cinema and steal kisses from girls good for the blood this poem is cuddie you deserve a cuddle
    | Posted on 2004-05-17 00:00:00 | by webdevil | [ Reply to This ]
      This really is a great picture. Could you really sit through an entire movie without looking at the screen? I'm not a romantic, so it seems a bit unreal.
    | Posted on 2004-05-17 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      you've captured my feelings on paper. being in love is much like this, and i think you've captured the moment. luved the imagery with the butterflies. also, liked the name of the poem.
    | Posted on 2004-05-16 00:00:00 | by colagirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, Cuddle... this one is so beautiful... it's one of those poems which when you read spreads a sort of warm glow about you! i love the way it's all sprinkled with colour. awesome write!
    | Posted on 2004-05-16 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way all the colors dance across his face like butterflies and fireflies. this is a sweet piece about (i assume) the first rushes of a new love where you can't keep your eyes off each other, even in the movie theatre where it's dark! as far as cheesy love poems go, i've got a trunk full of those! lol!
    | Posted on 2004-05-16 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that it is great and that it is great that you have some one in your life that does that to you. expecially with the price iof movie tickets now lol. once again great write
    | Posted on 2004-05-16 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      sweet. I like the part where you descibed how the colored light from the movie screen plays on his face. very vivd. great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-05-16 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]


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