Unforseen Cheating
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Description:
Just a Jerry Springer show i been looking at for the past couple of days. It's amazing at the things we didn't worry about before that we have to worry about now. What is this world coming to?! Tell me what you think.
~Irina
~Irina
Unforseen Cheating
“Worry not of my late nights, Baby, I will come home to you. All I am doing is hanging out, Catching up with my old friends, Maybe even drinking a beer or two. But baby, don’t call to tell me, How untrustworthy I appear to be, Hope you know how much I love you And if you want me home, I’ll be there, But you’re not that kind of woman.” Manipulative masquerading cheat! Dare I tell you more about my feelings? I really thought I didn’t have to worry, Because you were only with your friends, I knew you needed your boys’ night out. Contaminated camouflaged jerk! Are there any other words I need to say? Here I was worried about my competition With all those gorgeous other women, When all you really wanted was a man! |
Submitted on 2006-07-10 18:55:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| i like it. the ending isnt expected, but thats probably makes it better. it is true. a lot of marriages break up because the husband finds out he is ga. its normally harder forwomen to accept taht than it woud be if they had left them for another woman. this is a good provcative and honest piece. well done. its interesting how you have the forst part written as a quote? any particular reason for that? good observation that guys always need some time just with guys. wish my BF would see that. eowyn | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ] | “Worry not of my late nights, | Baby, (soon I'll be coming) home to you. All (I'm) doing is hanging out, Catching up with (some of) my old friends, (I may even drink) a beer or two. But baby, (please) don’t call to tell me, How untrustworthy I appear to be, (I hope you) know how much I love you And if you want me home, I’ll be there, But you’re not that kind of woman.” Manipulative masquerading cheat! Dare I tell you more (about) my feelings? I really thought I didn’t have to worry, (Because) you were (only) with your friends, I (knew you needed) your boys’ night out. Contaminated camouflaged jerk! Are there any other words I need to say? Here I was (worried about) competition With all these gorgeous other women, When all you really wanted was a man! I suppose that would stir the pot in unforseen ways (and slap down the lady's ego a bit as well). Per your ongoing request, I've done some slight tweaking to accomodate the flow (but nothing too drastic, this write has legs of its own to stand on). Very well written and to the point, Irina. Take care of yourself. Bill. | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | Ouch! What an ending. This is a very well written poem, first giving his view (sort of) and then her viewpoint, and then that ending. I have nothing to add except one small bit. Perhaps you shold use "those" and not "these in S2 - L9. Otherwise, a very clever and original story and poem. I loved it. | Phil | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ] | the twist at the end was an interesting one... | life is full of twists these days... i like the first stanza... all the babys and your not that kinda girl stuff i dunno... makes me think of a rap song somehow... perhaps a rap song gone wrong (coz usually alternative sexual orientation isnt something rappers go for or admit to atleast lol) but i like the dialogue part... not many people can work spoken words into poems very efficiently but you have nailed it in this one... i really like it i not so sure im 100% down with the second stanza though... your point is a good one i just think you could make it better somehow... im not sure... i mean... im sure if i was in the same situation i would be severely pissed off but i think the bluntness of your addressing of the issue makes this somewhat uncredible... i mean... i know you have a disclaimer saying this is nothing you have experienced but i guess i want it to sound like it really is your experience and right now it feels too... unreal lol but actually... upon further review.,.. it could just be the last line... its just delievered too... quickly lol i dunno... makes me think jerry springer perhaps... but on the whole this is a well constructed and thought out piece... the world is in a rather sorry state these days... | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] | I like how you used each stanza to convey a different person's vioce. It was like being privey to a private conversation. | Wow! You definitly caught me off guard with that ending. I didnt see that comming at all. You set that up very nicely by playing with my expectations. Well done. Its crazy. I have seen this in real life. Or somehting like this at least. It is crazy. What is the would coming too? Good question, I guess we will find out. | Posted on 2006-07-15 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ] | |
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