Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Everyday Blues


Author: Angel_Sin
Elite Ratio:    6.96 - 20 /26 /30
Words: 332
Class/Type: Prose /Depressed
Total Views: 1044
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2162



Description:


I wrote it two nights ago after a walk in the street. I felt very blue, outside of everything, like I was glued to the sidewalk or something like that. Anyways, I would like to share your impressions on this.


Everyday Blues



Tonight as I was going down 14th st
I bumped into Dean the Bum, he was smoking a cigarette
'didn't see him at first,
I was staring at the sky,
he was gazing at the ground.
I stopped and said hi,
half a smile floated on the bum's face,
"how's it going my darling one?" he asked.
"Good" I replied like I meant it...
and I,in turn, showed my teeth, they weren't any whiter.
"Great, sweatheart,..." he took a puff on the cigarette and said "the wind is soft tonight..."

It was a breezy night, warm,sorrowful
The night's eyes, Dean's eyes,
my everyday blues.

so I thought to myself
Walk away from the bum and the smoke,
Walk away from crooked teeth and shadows.

Tonight as I was going down 14th st
I bumped into Dean the Bum, he was smoking a cigarette.
'didn't recognize him at first,
I was lost into the crispy atmosphere,
he was reaching for the outside.
He stopped and said hi,
half a smile floated on my face,
"How's it going my dear friend?" I asked
"Great..." and he inhaled
"Glad to hear it,man" I replied.
He then smiled this humanly sad smile,
looked around and said "the wind is soft tonight..."

It was a breezy night,warm,mournful
The night's eyes, Dean's eyes,
my everyday blues.

so I thought to myself
Walk away from the bum and the smoke,
Walk away from crooked teeth and shadows.

and I walked a thousand miles through the night
behind I left the bum and the blues
but I found the bum at my doorstep
he smiled this humanly sad smile,
and told me to look around,so I did
the wind has switched direction.
He shook his head and said "Oh my darling one,
don't you know I'm all you've got."
So I open the door and let him in...




Submitted on 2006-07-10 21:57:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  excellent, very intent, I love the words
| Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by gjenkins | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



110186