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Lingering


Author: MyKemicalfailur
Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 267 /123 /15
Words: 107
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1310
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 699



Description:


idk. I think it...could be ... so much better...but let me know what you think..


Lingering



Staring out the window of despair
Remembering what once was
Walking down the street
Remembering how we’d met

The TV’s on, radio singing
But I still hear your voice down the hall
The air is thick, smoke is settling
But I still see your face in the window

A gentle kiss, a sweet embrace
Memories stuck inside
Haunting dreams, disrupting time

Lingering feelings
Playing with the thoughts
Of you and me

An empty room, covers pulled tight
But I still feel your body next to mine
The doors are locked, windows shut
But I still let you in.




Submitted on 2006-07-10 23:07:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wooot! I love this piece. It's going on my faaavourites...

Nice write ^__^

-- Jason Clement
| Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a gorgeous piece!the everyday kind of images and the sheer reality of your thoughts and memories is brilliant.loved it!
| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by heidi | [ Reply to This ]
  An empty room, covers pulled tight
But I still feel your body next to mine
The doors are locked, windows shut
But I still let you in.


I loved this! Beautiful...magnificently put. I have felt this very same way. But things seem to be working out for me...maybe they will for you also...
| Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem you can tell that the person is missing the other person. It made me kinda sad for her.
| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Babykatty | [ Reply to This ]
  It feels like something I have a few times on here before.... especially in the first stanza and the third line in the second stanza. Honestly, it doesn't feel completely original. I like the idea of longing that you are trying to convey but maybe try a more creative/original way of saying it. A way that sounds totally different and just stands out more then the rest.

Nice write anyways,

R.Bayden
| Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
  That was truly wonderful hun!

A gentle kiss, a sweet embrace
Memories stuck inside
Haunting dreams, disrupting time

That part was what really struck me as great. I love the flow to this one. Keep up the wonderful work!
| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked most of the poem, good setting, good mood, vivid imigination was the key here.
Through ones perception they can relive the memory or even create new ones. I had a litttle trouble with the beginning.
Remembering what once was
Walking down the street
Just trying to put them together was not the easiest for me. Other then that nice write

Sincerly Gannondalf
| Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]


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