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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Phoenixdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forestspirit
    ASL Info:    21/m/inside
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 58/45/27
    Words: 15
    Class/Type: Haiku/Misc
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 97



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhoenixdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A bright glowing fiery bird
    Stars in an entire solistice
    Spread wings, rule the sky




    Submitted on 2006-07-11 00:53:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the first two lines a lot. To tell you the truth, I drive a Firebird-Trans Am, and was thinking of putting a copy on the dashboard. With your ok, of course. And ? third line?
    I am not qualified to comment on any formal aspects, as the only thing I really "know" about Haiku is it's a Japanese form that involves 5's. So, shame on me.
    Anyway, with that in mind, perhaps something along the lines of renewal and rising from the ashes after all was seeming irrevocably lost. The visual description of the 1st line then the expansiveness of a GREAT 2nd line...then, 3rd, instead of "sky"I'd use the word "highway" but only if it's for my car. LOL.
    That probably wasn't much help. Sorry. Anyway, I think you're a good poet and are on the right track (road?)
    -az
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by azure_warrior | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know.
    or
    Spreads soaring over the night.
    or
    Spreads soaring, rules the night.
    or
    Speeding high, rules the earth.
    or
    Leaves the others glowing behind.
    or
    ????
    | Posted on 2006-07-12 00:00:00 | by azure_warrior | [ Reply to This ]


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